Page 27 of Gunner
Her knee bounced, and I wanted to take her hand into mine, but I would have to settle watching Bear place his head on her leg. She patted his head, and I saw her visibly calm down. ‘The truth will set you free’ kept repeating in my head, so I turned to her and replied.
“That was the first and last time I did something like that. I never even thought about it until that night. Something inside me was terrified of hurting you, of damaging you worse than . . .”
“Worse than I already am. It’s okay to say it. I know I’m broken and probably always will be,” she whispered, and I could see tears building in her deep blue eyes.
“You’re not broken, Sadie. You carry the scars to prove you were stronger than what tried to destroy you. Never be ashamed of that,” I explained.
“I’m not ashamed of what happened. I’m ashamed that it still affects me,” she reasoned, and I waited for her to continue.
I learned in therapy that when someone wants to speak, keep your mouth shut until they ask for you to speak. Often, just being able to say what’s bothering you is enough without all the added commentary. Sadie softly stroked her hand along Bear’s head and her hand stilled on the top of his head.
The next words out of her mouth nearly gutted me, and I fought hard to remain still when the urge to kill pressed down on me. Her eyes were locked on the far wall of the cabin, and her words were hollow yet filled with pain as she admitted.
“When I was fifteen, I was dragged off the street and repeatedly raped for close to three hours. The men who did it . . . they . . . they carved a tally into my back for every time one of them took me.”
Chapter 12
Sadie
Once the words fellfrom my mouth, a weight lifted from my shoulders. The pain from what happened was long over, but the memories remained. Ann, my therapist, told me that every time I could speak my truth, it would get easier. I wouldn’t forget, but I didn’t have to dwell on it every second of every day.
“Sadie—” Gunner started, and I held my hand up to stop him before he spoke, telling me how sorry he was.
I didn’t want anyone’s pity or sympathy. I just wanted to live as normal a life as I could with someone who loved and cherished me. I turned my glassy eyes to Gunner and exhaled before I continued.
“I was a virgin, and I never told anyone but Piper exactly what happened. I’d rather not go into too many details, if that’s okay.” He nodded sadly. “Uncle Mick brought me to the club, and Doc took care of the cuts on my back.”
“What did the police do?” he asked, and I shook my head.
“I never called them. Uncle Mick and Smokey promised me it was handled, and when I was able to take Jacob back home a few weeks later, I saw the house where it happened burned to the ground. The neighborhood gossip was there was a meth explosion, but I knew the Hounds took care of them.” I shrugged, not caring that they lost their lives.
Rabid dogs like them deserved to be put down, and I slept better at night knowing they were dead. I looked at Kade, and his stare was locked on the floor at his feet. I reached over, and he jerked his head to me as I placed my hand on top of his and explained.
“I’m sorry that my issues got in the way of us. I wanted you to know I don’t blame you . . . anymore. You needed something I couldn’t give you at the time, and while it hurt, it was what made me finally seek help. Ann, my therapist, has really helped me come to terms with it and I joined a rape survivor’s group. I know now, I’m not alone. I just needed to reach out and ask for help.”
He linked his fingers with mine, and a warmth crept up my arm. I met his gaze, and he explained, “I’m so proud of you. I know saying I’m sorry isn’t close to good enough, but I really am sorry for everything I did to cause you pain. I never meant to hurt you.” He hesitated before asking, “Can I take you to dinner sometime?”
