Page 15 of Hawk
The sound of my cell ringing in the kitchen echoed throughout the small house. Reluctantly, I tossed the covers back and slid out of bed. Aches shot through my body as I gingerly walked out of the bedroom, and before I could make it to the kitchen, Zeus was by my side. His cold nose pushed against my leg as I picked up the phone, and I gave him a scratch behind his ears as I said, “Give me a minute and I’ll take you outside.”
Somehow, he understood my words and sat down next to me as I looked to see who had called. Not recognizing the number, I shrugged and looked down at him. “Are you ready to do potty?”
He gave me one deep bark and pawed at my leg as his response, so I walked to the door in the kitchen and let him out to the backyard. He was trained to not run away, so I didn’t need to watch him as I turned toward my coffee machine. The door was open for him to come inside when he was ready, and I put a coffee pod into the machine before pressing the button. The heavenly smell of coffee began to fill the room as I turned and filled his bowl for breakfast.
The phone rang again as I was washing my hands and I sighed deeply, figuring it was another telemarketer wanting to talk about my car’s extended warranty. The same number appeared on the screen as I pressed the button to answer the call.
“Hello?” I asked as I picked up my coffee and shuffled to the fridge for creamer.
“It’s me,” the voice responded, and I nearly dropped my cup.
Anger built inside me, knowing there was no reason for them to call, especially so early in the morning. Zeus trotted back inside as I was placing the creamer back in the fridge, and on instinct, he immediately came to my side and pressed his head against me, urging my attention to him.
“What the fuck do you want?” I asked as I reached down to pet his soft head.
“Calm down. I need to talk to you.”
“About what?” I asked, walking to the open door and closing it before turning the lock.
“I receive a call yesterday that I think you need to know about,” the voice simply stated, and I shook my head, wondering what fresh hell was about to be unleashed onto my life.
I could handle anything life threw at me. I’d proven that repeatedly, but I was tired of being tested by the universe. I must have murdered puppies for fun in a past life to have to deal with all the bullshit I’d lived through.
“Do I need to meet you somewhere?” I asked and took a swallow of the delicious coffee.
“Not this time.” There was a hesitation, and I looked at the phone, waiting for them to continue. “She’s . . . she’s looking for you.”
Those words caused panic to swell deep inside me, and I nearly dropped the coffee cup on Zeus’s head. It wasn’t often I was at a loss for words, but hearing that, from them, rendered me speechless.
“Are you there?” they asked, and I cleared my throat before taking a seat at the table with the phone in front of me.
“I’m here. What . . . I need for you to start at the beginning, please.”
The person calling didn’t deserve any of my anger. If anything, they deserved a medal for saving not just me but others who had experienced the worst life could throw at them. They gave me a safe place to heal, taught me skills to protect myself, and gave me the information needed to send my monsters to hell.
“I received a call yesterday afternoon from . . . the one who brought you to me.” They were always vague, and we never used names, just to be safe. Someone could listen in to phone calls, so for the safety of everyone, we spoke in general terms. “He stated that your pup was looking for you, and after careful thought, I gave him your address.”
“Why the fuck would you do that?” I wasn’t in danger from the man who called, or from anyone, to be honest, but I never expected my past to come looking for me. Why would they? I did something unforgiveable, even if it wasn’t my fault. I tried to make it right but knew deep down that I would never be able to make up for my mistakes.
“You deserve to have a real life and I think you need to hear him out.”
“What could he possibly say? She wants to know why I let someone hurt her or why I left her with . . .” I refused to say that bitch’s name, even if she’d been dead for over nine years.
“I think she wants to get to know you and . . . you deserve to have her in your life. What happened wasn’t your fault, and you did save her.”
My voice lowered as guilt flooded my mind. “I don’t deserve to be a part of her life, not after what I allowed to happen.”
“For the last time, you did nothing wrong, and I wish you would stop blaming yourself. You’re as much of a victim in what happened as she was. Probably more. And you have to stop beating yourself up.”
“I can’t believe you told him where I was. I thought you were my friend.” The words sounded wounded as I wiped an errant tear from my cheek.
“I am your friend, and I know this is painful, but you need to hear him out. What you decide is your decision and no one, least of all me, will fault you for protecting yourself. Just . . . give him a chance to explain. Please.”
I looked down at the phone and let their words sink in. I suffered every second of every day that I was apart from her, and all I’d ever wanted was to be a part of her life. Fear, guilt, shame, and embarrassment kept me from her, even after I saved her from that bitch. I remembered sitting in my car down the block and watching her walk to the neighbor’s house. When the police showed up, I left, knowing she wasn’t going to be used as a pawn for anyone anymore.
“Are you still there?”
“I’m here,” I replied as I took another swallow of coffee. “When can I expect him to arrive?”
