Page 48 of Hawk
As I pulled into the parking lot at work, I thought about how much I would miss my co-workers. We were great friends at work, though not outside of it, but that didn’t mean I wouldn’t miss the cutting up and free spirit of the office.
I walked inside and saw the usual receptionist was busy on a call as she waved to me and clicked her tongue for Zeus. The doctors knew I had PTSD and acute anxiety and were accommodating to Zeus. He went to her and gently took a treat from her hand as she scratched his head. I pointed to the back, and she nodded before pressing a button to let me into the employee area.
I wasn’t scheduled to work today, so when I knocked on the door to the doctor’s private office, I’m sure he was confused. We spoke for a few minutes, and he gave me a hug, wishing me well and offering a letter of reference. I was sad to be leaving but explained how I was given a chance to reunite with family. No one knew about Hailey, so I left it vague.
It took thirty minutes to clean out my desk and hug everyone goodbye. Tears were shed by a few of them, and I felt myself choke up at the thought of never seeing any of them again. I knew it was for the best, but it was still scary to be leaving a job I was good at and where I was just Stella.
Not the mobster’s daughter.
Not the sadist’s wife.
Not the madman’s sister.
Here, I was just Stella Bonavair, and to lose that little piece of my identity was harder than I’d expected.
I carried the small box of personal items to the Jeep after saying goodbye to everyone, and when Zeus and I got into the vehicle, he pushed his head into my shoulder, drawing my attention to him.
“I’m okay, buddy.”
Pulling away from the parking lot, I promised myself to try and be more open with people. Not about my past, but about my current and possibly future. I made myself small for too many years.
When I was getting close to the house, my phone rang again. Not wanting to make the same mistake as before, I looked at the caller ID before answering. It was Colton again and I smiled as I answered the phone.
“Hey. Did you make it home?” I asked.
“Almost. I’m about thirty minutes outside of Portstill. In fact, I’m about to pass Pierce Bluff, where Devlin lives, and I thought I’d call to see how everything went at work.”
Making a mental note about his statement, I replied, “It went okay. They offered me a recommendation and told me I’d always have a job here, if I decided to come back.”
“You’re not going back, are you?” he asked, and I could hear worry in his voice.
Was it a worry for Hailey or for him? I couldn’t say, but it was nice to have someone care about me.
“As long as Hailey’s okay with me staying, then no, I’m not coming back. I’ll need to figure out what to do to get my furniture and sell or rent my house here, but that’s something I can figure out later.”
“You’ll figure it out. I just wanted to touch base, but I’ll text when I get home.”
“Be safe,” I said, and he returned the sentiment before disconnecting the call.
The word ‘you’ll’ stuck out. Not we, not us. ‘You’ll.’
Worrying that I’d read too much into the time Colton and I spent together, I felt the center of my chest growing cold. It was easy for me to shut things off and pull into myself. I could trust me, and I’d spent too many years alone to get upset about something that may not be what I thought it was.
When I got home, I let Zeus and myself inside and locked the door behind us. Collapsing onto the couch, he crawled up next to me as I laid my head back and closed my eyes, needing to slow my mind down.
Yesterday morning, I was happily alone with my faithful guard dog. Today, I quit my job, was about to pack up my Jeep, and leave the life I’d lived for the last few years. I was venturing into the unknown, with promises of family and forgiveness, but a part of me worried.
What if this was some kind of ploy to drag me back into the darkness?
What if my sins from the past were coming back to haunt me?
What if I was destined to be alone, without anyone to love me?
That was the hardest one to think about, and as I felt sleep begin to overtake me, I questioned if anything was as it seemed.
Most days, I didn’t trust myself, so why did I trust Colton so much?
