Page 25 of Jigsaw
He took my hands and stood, pulling me from my chair. He looked at the table of worried women and said, “We’ll be right back,” before he tugged my hand, getting me to follow him.
He didn’t go far before he found an empty picnic table off to the side of the lot. After he got me seated in a chair, he took the one next to me and pulled it out, quickly sitting as he spoke. “I can’t make things better if you don’t tell me what’s wrong, darlin’. Why are you crying?”
He brushed the back of his hand down my cheek as the memories of both my father’s anger and his kindness bombarded me. I didn’t get the chance to say goodbye to him, and being here with Dean, seeing Phantom Renegades cuts moving through the party, just made the emotions bubble up to the surface. I hated to cry, but this wasn’t sadness. It was cathartic, and very much needed.
The tears fell from my eyes as I tried to explain. “The ladies were talking about . . .” A fresh round of tears fell as he looked over at them, like he was about to confront them. When I took his hand, he snapped his gaze back to me. “I just . . . I realized how much my father loved me.”
Dean’s worried expression broke, and he gave me an understanding look as he pulled me into a deep hug, allowing me to shed the pain I had in my heart over my father. I missed him, and there was no going back to tell him how much I loved him.
“What the fuck is going on here?” I heard Ghost bellow next to us, scaring the shit out of me. I jumped, and he looked at the tears streaking down my face before his deadly gaze turned to Dean.
Ghost had a hair-trigger temper since our dad died and he took over the Phantom Renegades, and if he started a fight with Dean, it would become a bloodbath. So, I had to tell him before he got the wrong impression.
I stood from my seat and stepped in front of him, forcing him to look at me as I explained. “I just realized how much Popeye loved me, and I started missing him.”
My brother’s hardened gaze softened, and he pulled me into a real hug as he rubbed my back. Dean looked on from his seat as Ghost spoke. “Dad loved you very much, Willow. He just sucked at showing his emotions.” He released the hug, so I followed, then he pulled a chair out, sitting it beside mine and Dean’s as I retook my seat. “Popeye’s biggest regret was that he couldn’t make this right.” He pointed from Dean to me and back again. “He saw Jigsaw’s sacrifice for you and how cold you became after he left. He knew what you had was real, but you were so mad at him and the world that he didn’t know how to make it right.”
Dean reached over and took my hand. I looked at the connection then at him. “I’m sorry.”
He kissed the back and said, “Remember, no apologies. We have our whole future to look forward to, and I think I can speak for Ghost when I say there’s nothing about the past we can change.”
“Jigsaw’s right,” Ghost agreed as he stood from his seat. “The past is over, and you two are exactly where you’re supposed to be, when you’re supposed to be there. Don’t beat yourself up, Willow. Guilt does no good.”
He walked off, and I looked back at Dean. “Do you want to go inside for a bit, or would you like to rejoin the ladies? You’re welcome to come out to the bonfire if you want. They’re going to get it started in a few minutes, I think.”
Shaking my head, I wiped the evidence of my sorrow from my cheeks and blew out a deep breathe. “The ol’ ladies are going to think I’m crazy.”
He laughed and stood from his chair, pulling my hand and getting me to my feet in front of him. Wrapping his arms around my waist, he pulled me against him as I linked my hands behind his neck. “Let them think you’re crazy. They already think I am.”
He crossed his eyes and made a silly face, causing me to laugh. The smile he gave me was reassuring and full of love, and I kissed him, needing the connection to ground me. He pulled back and released his hold on me to take my hand. Walking back to the table, he reached into his cut and handed me a rolled joint.
“If you want to. No pressure or expectations, but I thought it might help calm you down,” Dean explained.
I tugged on his hand, and he gave me a curious look as I leaned over and kissed his bearded cheek. “I love you so damn much.”
He wiggled his eyebrows with a cheesy smile before finishing our walk back to the table. The sun was almost set, and they had lit torches on the tables as the bonfire roared to life off in the field. Not wanting the ladies—my new family—to think I wasslipping off the deep end, I looked at their worried faces and explained, “I’m sorry I was so emotional. I just miss my father, and it all kind of hit me at once. I didn’t mean to make a scene.”
Cheyenne stood from her seat and walked around the table as Dean released my hand. She hugged me deeply and whispered, “I miss my dad too, and I’ll listen anytime you need to talk.”
“Thank you,” I returned, and she released her hug and returned to her table.
“Are you gonna be okay?” Dean asked me and I smiled and looked at the ladies sitting around the table.
“I’ll be fine.”
He made sure I was settled then kissed my head before walking away. I saw him look back twice before he rejoined Ghost and one of the Death Hounds. Roughstock was standing off to the side, speaking with a man who had a Sinners patch but I couldn’t tell much else about him.
I exhaled and noticed the ladies weren’t speaking. I felt like I’d thrown a wet blanket over the party, so I opened my palm and asked, “Does anyone smoke?”
Jackie did a little wiggle in her chair as she pulled a lighter from the tiny pocket of her cut. I handed the joint to her, and she lit the tip, inhaled, and passed it to Cheyenne. The only two people who got skipped before it was passed to me was Laura, since she was pregnant, and Charlie, who held her hand up to decline.
It had been months since I’d smoked, and when I inhaled, I realized how smooth it was. Blowing the smoke into the air, I handed it to Jackie and remarked, “Damn, that’s good.”
“That’s some special stuff that our friend from Portstill brought for the Rally,” Cheyenne remarked then pressed a finger to her closed lips.
I knew that to be a ‘don’t tell’ motion, and having been around clubs just enough, I knew that secrets weren’t to beshared. We made one more rotation around the table before Jackie was dropping the little piece into an ashtray. I didn’t need any more as the tingles were building throughout my body.
Not wanting to mix alcohol with weed, knowing I’d make myself sick, I looked at Charlie and asked, “Where can I get a bottle of water?”
