Page 55 of Greedy Grizzly
In the evenings, we met up in the bar for drinks. Of course, I knew they’d been busy searching for the bomber so I tried to stay out of the way and not burden them with my fears about getting cancer and seeing my sister.
I had to admit, it was comforting to be alone with them now, even though I wished this day had never arrived.
“The place is massive,” Toby said.
He wasn’t wrong. It was an impressive building and beautifully landscaped. We didn’t have anything like this in Bastion Township.
“It’s intimidating,” I muttered.
Landon took my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze as we entered the lobby. I immediately felt sick to my stomach. A rush of memories threatened to send me to my knees.
I hated hospitals. The cold energy. The smell. The medical staff.
I’d spent many days sitting with my mom during her treatments. Caring for her at home when she was throwing up and too weak to walk unassisted to the bathroom. I’d cooked and cleaned for her, helped her bathe.
By the time her hospice care began, she was ready to pass on to another dimension. She’d been done being sick and wanted to have some rest and peace. I’d wanted the same for her. I’d wanted her suffering to be over.
Memories of my own hospital stay last year added to my anxiety. I’d been told it would be difficult to conceive because I was missing a fallopian tube and I had internal scarring. Not at all the words I’d expected to hear.
My doctor had said it wasn’t impossible to have a baby, but thus far, I still wasn’t pregnant. I’d stopped taking birth control pills, figuring if it happened I’d deal with the surprise later. I knew better than to be afraid to tell Landon anything. He had always supported me and my wishes, but I couldn’t tell him or Toby I wasn’t on birth control anymore.
Not telling the men in my life had been more for me. If I never got pregnant, nobody would know I had been trying. I could suffer with my heartbreak in silence, and not have to see Landon’s disappointment. He played it well, being indifferent to children, but after I’d been shot, he’d confessed being open to having a baby if I wanted one.
I appreciated Landon tremendously. Nobody had loved me so completely as he had.
“I’ll wait over here.” Toby pointed at a sitting area in the corner. “If you need anything, I’m just a phone call away.” He leaned down and kissed my cheek.
Toby was equally good to me, just in a different way. He had no expectations. He liked his freedom and he was fine with me marrying Landon, if we got to that place in the future.
“Thanks. Hopefully, this will be an uneventful trip.” I exhaled a heavy breath, then went to the front desk. Landon was right behind me. “Hello, my name is Lydia Larson. My sister is a patient and is expecting me.” I didn’t know for sure if Bridget had put me on the visitor’s list, but I imagined she had because she’d texted me about her appointment.
“Can I see your identification, please?” the receptionist asked.
“Of course.” I pulled out my old driver’s license with my birth name. I’d kept it just because, and as it turned out, I needed it all these years later. Hopefully, the gal behind the desk didn’t question it.
Nervously, I looked down at my dress and sandals. They were plain and summery. Nothing flashy or sexy like I might wear at the club. I didn’t want my sister to know I was a Kitten and connected to a motorcycle club. No doubt she’d judge me harshly and I didn’t want to give her any ammo to use against me.
“Please sign here.” She pointed at the digital device, then handed me a name tag. “Your friend won’t be able to go in with you, but there’s a private waiting area on the floor near her room.”
“Okay, thank you.” That was a relief. I turned toward Landon and took his hand. He didn’t wear his cut and looked just like any other guy in a pair of faded jeans and a white T-shirt. His hair was down and he was wearing his glasses. Overall, Landon looked harmless.
We took the elevator up to the Breast Cancer Care floor. I literally felt like I might faint. What if Bridget didn’t want me here? What if she was married and had a child or two? What if she looked exactly like our mom in the hospital bed?
What if? What if? What if?
I could feel myself starting to spiral now that we were here.
“Hey, are you all right?” He asked as we exited the metal box. Leading me to the side, he shielded me from anyone in the area. “You don’t have to go in. Nobody is forcing you.”
“It’s the unknown. How can I be prepared for the unknown?” I teared up and looped my arms around his waist. “Just hold me a minute.”
And he did, not saying another word.
When I felt ready, I released him and nodded.Rip it off like a Band-Aid,popped into my head. My mom used to tell me the saying when I was afraid to do something. It helped me back then and it was helping me now.
The door to my sister’s room was partially open. I knocked and when I heard her say, come in, I took one more look at Landon. His presence calmed me and I felt like I could do anything with him by my side. Taking a deep cleansing breath, I went in.
“You came.” My sister sat straighter in bed and almost smiled. Naturally, she was guarded. I was too.
