Page 93 of Let It Be Me
Jax’s head falls back and then falls forward. I don’t miss her own tears or her sobs that wrack her body. “I’m in so deep that I don’t know how to get out. He made me feel so big and then so little that I’m scared I’ll never find someone good.”
“You will find someone who is worthy of you. You will find someone who will make you feel like the stars are so close you can touch them. You will find someone who loves you for you and not who you can introduce them to,” Kamryn says and pulls her sister into her arms. “It might not be tomorrow or next week, but when you find someone who makes you forget all of the bad, then you’ll realize why it never worked with anyone else.”
Jax and Kamryn stay wrapped in each other’s arms and they need this. If anything, Jax has probably felt Kamryn slip away as she moved into her life with Mason. And I don’t blame her. But latching onto whoever will give you attention when you’re in a vulnerable state, can set you up for an unhealthy relationship.
I just hope with everything that this night will be the sign that Jax needs to end things with Trent.
“How come you didn’t tell us about Paul?” Kamryn asks later on when we’re all seated on the oversized couches inher living room. The guys headed back up to the man cave after we gave them all reassuring smiles.
I lean forward and rest my arms in my lap. “I was embarrassed. And telling you guys at that time…I couldn’t dump that on you when you both already had bigger things going on.” I tell them and look into my glass because I’d rather look at the contents in the glass than look at their faces and see judgment.
“What could have possibly been so embarrassing about that? Yeah, no one likes when their partner cheats. But you could have told us and we would have been there for you.”
“I know that now. But burying myself in work and focusing on your three was just what I needed at the time.”
“Can we make a promise here?” Emily asks and looks around at the three of us. “That no matter where we’re at in our relationships, we tell each other everything.”
“Promise.” Jax, Kamryn, and I say.
“So how was your trip?” Kam asks me once we’ve all slightly settled.
“It was good.” I say and fall back into the cushions. “I’ve finally got my dad back. But I don’t see any hope with my mom.”
“I’m sorry, sweetie. I know all too well how hard it is to lose a relationship with a parent.” Emily says and places her hand on my leg.
“Yeah, but you have your parents back.”
“I do. But that doesn’t mean that everyday I didn’t miss them or didn’t instinctively want to pick up the phone to call them. We just weren’t in that space.”
Emily’s relationship with her parents was one of neglect. But not in the way that she was neglected physically. It was more of an emotional neglect. They left her alone while they were chasing their career dreams. Butthat also opened the door for her to fall for the boy next door.
We spend the rest of the night catching up and dumping on each other. It turns out the more we fall into who we become, the easier it is to neglect the part of you that just needs your girlfriends to talk with.
34
RILEY
TWO MONTHS LATER
The Italian sausage sizzling in the pan mixes with my parents animatedly talking with David, Sarah’s Dad, and they all catch up like old friends. It’s still blowing my mind that he’s here and when Sarah invited him up here for the week, I knew I wanted to step my plan into overdrive. So I offered to pick him up from the airport while she attended a meeting with Nate, her baseball client.
My heart is pounding and I’ve gone up against some of the toughest opponents while playing hockey. But, this. Asking a very important question to the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with? Yeah, I’m terrified. Not that I think she’ll say no. We’ve talked about marriage and babies several times. Is it too soon to propose to Sarah? Maybe. But when you know, you know. And I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with her.
I add the noodles to the boiling water and chop up the peppers and onions that will pair well mixed into the pasta and the champagne I have tucked away in the back of the fridge. When everything is assembled, I shake my hands out and begin.
“Hey, Blue?” I ask as I add some more seasoning to the pasta, if only to keep my hands occupied as reason for needing her assistance.
“Yeah?”
“Will you go in that drawer and hand me a pot holder?” I ask and nod to the drawer in front of where the bowl-plates are located.
“Sure.” She gets up and I look over my shoulder and my parents and David, who all nod and try to hide their smiles.
My heart is pounding louder again and it’s like the thumping is in my ears now. The sound of the drawer sliding open is like a baseball crashing into a window. I look over at Sarah and her eyes are fixed on the sole ring box in the drawer. Turning the burners off, I walk the two steps to where she’s standing.
In her ripped jeans and black tank top with her hair falling in wavy auburn strands down her back, she’s perfect. I grab the ring box out of the drawer and flip it between my fingers before dropping down on one knee.
“What are you doing?” She whispers.
