Page 83 of Only for Tonight
“Why don’t you go and take care of that, and I’ll make us dinner,” I suggest to her.
“Okay,” she agrees and walks to her office. I stand in the kitchen, my head hanging down, wanting like fuck to just go and force her to talk to me, but I don’t want to pressure her. We sit through dinner and it’s painstakingly awkward with forced conversation. I’d rather have all my teeth and nails pulled out than do this again.
After dinner, we sit on the couch as I flip through channels and she lays her head down and falls asleep. Definitely not how I wanted to spend my evening, especially since I was away from her for the last fucking five days. I wanted to spend it with me touching her, with her touching me. With us lying together, I need it more than I think I’ve ever needed anything in my whole life.
I turn the television off and take her in my arms. She rouses for a bit. “Jaxon,” she mumbles my name sleepily.
“Right here, baby.” I kiss the top of her head as I take her upstairs and tuck her into bed. I slide in next to her and pull her into my arms. I finally bury my face in her hair and close my eyes, and for the first time in five days, I fall asleep without tossing and turning.
twenty-nine
Ariella
The phone rings beside my computer and I look down to see it’s Zoey. “Hello,” I answer and lean back in the chair.
“Hello, neighbor.” She laughs. “Whatcha doing?”
“I’m right now answering an email.” I look at the screen with the cursor that has been blinking for the last thirty minutes because I was too busy looking out the window and thinking about the shit my life has become to even come up with a response. “Why? What are you doing?”
“Well, the babysitter just arrived and Nash has given me orders that I am to get out of the house and do something for me today.” She sighs. “Can you take off the rest of the day?” she asks. “I’m in the mood to go shopping and a little birdie told me you might need maternity clothes.”
“And who is this birdie?” I try not to laugh, and it’s the first time in over a week that I’ve smiled.
“Your mother called my mother, and the rest is history,” she sings. “So what do you say, you think you can swing taking the rest of the afternoon off for some retail therapy?”
“You know what?” I look at the top corner and see that it’s just after noon. “Why don’t we go have lunch and then go shopping?”
“Yesss,” she cheers, “that’s what I like to hear. Do you want to pick me up or do you want me to pick you up?”
“I don’t have a car,” I admit to her. “Shit, I should get myself a car. I lived in New York and having a car was dumb because of parking, and everything was just easier to get to with the subway.”
“Just tell Jaxon and he’ll set it up,” she says.
“Um,” I start to say, “that…” My voice suddenly cracks and I stop talking.
“Oh no, I know what um is,” she snaps. “Don’t say another word. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes, save it all.”
“Okay,” I reply and get up from my chair and head to the kitchen, where Jaxon is mixing himself a protein shake. He went for a run on the beach earlier. “Hey, Zoey is going to come and get me and we’re going to go shopping.”
“Oh.” He looks over at me and my eyes go down his body to his gym shorts, his T-shirt molding his whole body.
“Yeah, I don’t have a car and I didn’t even think about that.” I put my hands on the counter that separates us. “I should probably look at getting something now that I’m here.”
“You can take the SUV, and I’ll call my guy and get you something.” He immediately takes care of it.
“You don’t have to do that,” I counter and he looks over at me, leaning against the counter and sipping his drink. “You have enough going on.”
“I’ll take care of it, Ariella,” he reassures me, and I just nod to him, not sure what else to say. I don’t know what to do; I don’t know what to say. It’s fucking killing me inside to be this close to him, yet be so far away from him.
“I’m going to go and change, even though nothing fits me and I’ll have to wear yoga pants.”
“Take my card,” he suggests when I start to walk away and I look over my shoulder at him, “it’s in my wallet.”
“I don’t need your card,” I tell him at the same time I want to yell out, “I just need you. I just want you. I need you and only you and not your stupid-ass fucking card.” I want to yell through the rooftops, but I stop myself.
“Okay.” I can feel his eyes on me as I walk up the stairs toward our bedroom. It’s been two days since he admitted to me that his ex-girlfriend tampered with his condoms. Two fucking days of living with him and him barely saying a fucking word to me. Two fucking days of silently begging him to talk to me. Silently begging him to stop blaming himself. Silently watching him drown even more under the guilt. “Before I leave,” I say not sure why I’m even saying this now, but knowing that if I don’t say something, I’m literally going to go out of my mind, “if you want a get-out-of-jail card, you can have it.” He looks at me confused. “If this is too much for you or you’re having seconds thoughts, I won’t hold it against you.” I swallow down the bile that feels like it’s coming up my throat. His face looks even more ravished than it did before I said anything.
“I don’t ever want to be without you or the baby,” he says and all I do is nod at him. I can’t say a word because it’s all stuck in my throat. I walk upstairs to change, hearing his voice softly in my head telling me that he doesn’t want to be without me or the baby, but nothing else. He didn’t come to me, he didn’t tell me he loves me. Nothing. Just those words. I slip on a black long-sleeved bodysuit before grabbing a pair of gray sweatpants that are tight on the ankle and have a big elastic band, so the small baby bump is barely visible. I slip on my sneakers and then make my way to the bathroom where I brush out my hair. I walk back downstairs and hear him on the phone. “I want something safe,” he states, “definitely an SUV. I don’t want her bending to put the baby in the car seat.”
