Page 85 of Only for Tonight
While Zoey just says, “Oh. My. God.”
“It is what it is,” I say, grabbing a tissue and dabbing my eyes. “Am I pissed about it? Yes. Like, what the fuck, dude, how could someone do that to someone else? She was going to trap him with a child,” I say the words. “With a child for the rest of his life.” The thought makes me so mad that someone would do that to him.
“Well, he ended up trapping you with a child instead,” Zoey mumbles.
“That is not the same thing at all. He didn’t know he was trapping me,” I defend him, and she nods her head, agreeing with me. “But then he’s telling me all this and then he says”—I stop and take a second before I say the words—“I’m so sorry, Ariella. I never wanted this.” I look at both their faces to see if maybe I’m overreacting to the words but they both grimace.
“I mean, I think he meant he’s sorry that he got you swept up into this disaster of a predicament,” Gabriella tries to explain. “I don’t think he meant he never wanted this.”
“I know he never wanted this,” I repeat. “I mean, I wasn’t exactly planning on having a kid this way. I thought I would, I don’t know, be dating the guy beforehand and then, you know, get married and have kids.” I take a sip of the water. “It is what it is and I got pregnant, but I thought we dealt with it. Hearing him say the words ‘I never wanted this.’ It just?—”
“I don’t think he meant it like that,” Zoey comforts softly. “Did you talk to him about it?”
“No,” I almost shout, “what am I going to say? Okay, well, I’m here now and what does that mean for us?”
“Um, yeah,” Gabriella says to me and I whip my head to look at her, “why wouldn’t you ask him that?”
“He asked you to move in with him. I think he sort of likes you a bit, don’t you think?” Zoey now puts in.
“He asked me to move in with him because I’m having his baby, not because he was pining over me.” I look at both of them, who try not to laugh at that.
“Okay, well, regardless of why he asked you to move in, you’re there now ,” Zoey clarifies, “and I think you need to talk to him, Ariella. It’s going to make you run through all these things in your head and then you will push him away.”
“Maybe he doesn’t want me there,” I admit to them what has been on my mind for the last two days since he told me. “Maybe this is all too much for him and now having me there. Like, really having me there, with all my fucking boxes around and in his face, is a reality he doesn’t really want now, especially with all of this.”
“But what about you?” Zoey asks. “What do you want? Do you want to work it out with him? Do you want to stay with him after all this? Do you want to be with him or, better yet, can you be with him knowing all of this?”
I swallow down. “I was pissed about the whole condom thing. But I was pissed for him. That someone would do that to him because he doesn’t deserve it. I mean, no one deserves it, but he definitely doesn’t deserve it. But I was over it a couple of seconds after and, to be honest, I really care about him. I’ve always cared about him. I’m just afraid he feels even more stuck with me because of all of this.” I put my hand to my stomach. “Like, now is he going to stay with me because he feels guilty, or is he going to stay with me because he wants to stay with me?”
“I’m going to be the one who says it,” Gabriella declares. “You need to man up and stop beating around the bush. You need to come out and ask him point-blank if this is what he wants.”
“But—” I start to say. “But what if it isn’t?” I say, my voice trailing off, not wanting to say the words but what if it isn’t what he wants.
“But then again, what if it is?” Zoey looks at me. “What if he’s as scared as you are?”
I look down at my hands and then make the decision. “I’m going to have to man up and be a big girl,” I admit to them. “I’m going to have to talk to him.” I look at both of them as they nod. “Even though just thinking about it makes me want to gouge my eyeballs out.” They both laugh. “I want to go on the record and say this really fucking sucks. It sucks monkey balls, that is how much it sucks.” They laugh harder. “But it needs to happen for me, for him, and especially for the baby.” I shake my head. “I don’t want to.”
“But you need to,” Zoey pushes.
“But I need to,” I repeat. “I fucking need to,” I huff out. “Well, this has been a fun day.” I glare at them. “Now I need to go home and basically ask him if he wants me and try not to be broken-hearted if he tells me he doesn’t want me.”
“You live by the sword; you die by the sword,” Zoey declares and I just shake my head. “Get it? The sword is his penis.”
I roll my eyes. “Thanks for making that clear.” I laugh while making myself believe that it’ll be all okay.
thirty
Jaxon
I drive down the road, the radio playing softly in the background, but the only thing I can think about is Ariella. Even on the ice, I wasn’t myself. I ended up getting two fucking penalties for cross-checking. If I were my coach, I would have slapped me upside the head. It was a play that you use in fucking high school and not in the major leagues. I was just so in my head that I snapped. Luckily, nothing happened while I was in the box, so I didn’t let my team down more.
Even after the game I was very short with reporters who came in the room, and after two questions, I walked away until they were gone. Which is why I’m coming home so late. Later than I usually go home, for sure. I pull into the driveway and press the button to the garage door before driving in.
I walk into the house, trying not to make too much noise, in case she’s sleeping. The minute I take a step in, I see there is a pile of boxes, which were littered all over the house, now broken down and piled by the door. After she left to go shopping telling me that I could have a fucking get-out-of-jail card, I got so scared she would leave that I unpacked half her fucking things before I left. I don’t even know where I put them or if I even put them in the right place. All I know is that if I didn’t have to go to work, I would have unpacked them all for when she got home and made sure she wouldn’t leave.
The soft light coming from the living room lights up the hallway just a bit as I take off my shoes and make my way into the house.
The television is on, but she’s lying on the couch and she’s fast asleep. I take off my suit jacket and walk over to her, squatting down in front of her and just watch her. Which is pretty creepy if she wakes up and finds me just watching her. Ever since I told her about Tiffany, it’s been so weird between us. I’ve given her space to work it out on her end. Which might not have been the right thing to do. I should have forced her to talk to me about it.
