Page 88 of Only for Tonight
“I am going to try and get it all out, and I’m going to ask that you don’t interrupt me because I feel like I’m going to forget something, and then it’ll be too late.” He turns to the side and starts to walk back and forth, pacing.
“Fine,” I agree, “and then after, will I have the chance to do the same?” He nods his head at me; even if he tells me this is over, I don’t think I can tell him how I feel about him. But then again, he deserves to know, regardless of how he feels.
“I was so scared you would hate me,” he starts and I’m about to take a step forward when he holds up his hand. “I felt so guilty for what happened, you have no idea, it literally ate at me. Then after that, the fear crept into my head and took over. The fear that you would leave me. The fear that I wouldn’t have you or the baby, the fear that this whole thing that we have would be over and I would be shattered to my core because of it.”
“It’s not your fault,” I quickly say, even though I know I’m not supposed to say anything, and he gives me a look. “I just want you to know that I don’t blame you. You can proceed.”
“Thank you.” He nods his head. “I like having you with me.” I smile and then look down at my feet. “No, scratch that. I love having you with me. I love waking up with you and I most definitely love going to bed with you.” I can’t help but giggle at that. “I don’t want you to feel like you’re forced to be here just because we’re having a baby.”
“I don’t want you to feel like you’re forced to be here just because we’re having a baby?” I repeat back, interrupting him again. “Whatever.” I raise my hands. “I know, I get to talk after.”
“Before I found out about what she did, I was going to tell you how I felt about you,” he explains and my chest pounds, “but then I didn’t want you to think I was only saying it because of what happened.”
“So you say nothing instead,” I hiss at him. “You say things like ‘I can’t do this’ and ‘I never wanted this.’” The tears just roll down my cheeks. “You say things that make me think you want out of this.” My voice goes higher. “You say and do things that make me second-guess everything.” I can’t stop talking, but I do when he takes a step toward me. The anguish on his face makes me speechless.
“I want to build a life with you,” he continues, ignoring what I just said. “I want to take our time, but I also don’t want you to think I don’t want to be with you, because I very much do. You mean everything to me,” he practically pants as his chest rises and falls. “The baby means everything to me. The two of you mean everything to me.” His voice cracks. “I love you, Ariella.” I can’t help the tears that escape my eyes and roll down my cheeks. “I wanted to tell you I loved you this morning, but then I was so scared you were going to end it with me. I just didn’t want to hear it, so I ran away.”
“What?” I shake my head. “I’m here, aren’t I?” I ask him and he stands here looking so fucking handsome and beautiful he takes my breath away. “I didn’t get on a plane and go home. Which I don’t have anymore, by the way, because I sent everything here,” I snap at him. “I’m still here in the same city as you. Living in the same house with you. Sharing the same bed as you. I’m still fucking here. This morning all I wanted was you to talk to me, and I thought you didn’t want me here.”
“How could you think that?” he asks me.
“What was I supposed to think?” I shout at him. “You weren’t even talking to me and you left me when we needed to have a conversation. I am just as scared as you are, Jaxon, but if we can’t talk to each other…”
“I’m so sorry, baby,” he says, rushing to me and taking me in his arms. His mouth crashes down on mine, his tongue sliding into my mouth. My hands roam up his arms and around his neck, kissing him with all the passion and need I’ve waited for, for over a fucking week.
“I didn’t get to say what I wanted to say.” I let him go but his arms don’t move from around me as he kisses my cheek and then he moves the kisses down to my neck and then up to my ear. “I can’t focus when you do that.”
“I can’t help it. I haven’t touched you in over a week.” He sucks in my earlobe, making me shiver.
“But I haven’t said what I need to say,” I moan out as he moves, kissing down to my neck and down the middle of my chest. “You can’t not talk to me, Jaxon.”
“I know,” he admits, “I promise to never shut down again.” He grabs my face in his hands.
“The next time you do that—” I start to say and he shakes his head.
“There won’t be a next time. I can’t do it. I won’t do it. Not being able to talk to you was too much. I thought I was going to come out of my skin. I hated it.”
“Good, I want to be here with you,” I tell him. “I want us to grow together.” I smile and then look down. “I’ll be growing a little bit more than you but—” I look up. “I love you too, you stupid-ass jerkface,” I declare, making him laugh. “But I have to ask,” I say and look down at my hands, “why did you get rid of my stuff?”
He looks at me like he’s confused. “What stuff?”
“My boxes.” I mention my boxes. “You got rid of my stuff.”
“I didn’t get rid of your stuff,” he snaps at me. “I put everything away in the bedroom downstairs. I put some stuff in the linen closet in the bedroom upstairs.” He shakes his head. “Did you think I got rid of your stuff?”
“Well, I couldn’t find it,” I say, “so how was I supposed to know? I thought you were getting rid of my stuff.”
“I couldn’t stand the thought of you leaving me, so I unpacked and shoved it around the house,” he says and I laugh.
“We really needed to have a talk,” I say. “I unpacked the rest of the boxes to spite you.” I laugh. “I figured if you wanted me out, you’d have to put me out.”
“I don’t want you out,” he tells me. “Not now, not ever.” He kisses me. “Also,” he adds, his hand going to the sash around my waist, “no more me going to games without you.”
“I work and you come home late. I’d rather be at home and sleep and then wake up with you than be at a game and then have to go to bed as soon as we get home.”
“Fine,” he caves, “but no excuses on the weekend games.”
“Fine, I’ll give you that.” He looks at me and his hand pulls the sash and it opens right down the middle. “You’re naked under here.”
