Page 15 of Apricity
Hawk is next to me and behind him is Cole, snuggled all kinds of close to him but awake and aware of what just happened. At my reaction, Cole laughs to himself as he wraps his arm around Hawk, cooing sarcastically in a thick southern drawl the entire time. “That’s ok, baby, momma’s got you. Come here, sugar.” Hawk goes willingly into Cole’s arms and, if his loud snores are any indication, falls fast asleep again. Cole returns my bewildered stare with a smirk. “Hey, don’t look at me like that. It’s fucking cold in here ever since Aly got up and went to the bathroom and this fucker is like a furnace.” My lips tighten, hiding my laugh that’s about to erupt. “He’smyfire chicken.Mine.Go find your own. Shoo,” Cole says with a dismissive wave of his hand. I shakemy head at them, chuckling under my breath so I don’t wake Hawk, and look up just in time to see Aly glide out from the bathroom.
Throwing the blanket off me, I set my feet on the chilly floor and step toward her. The temperature has definitely dropped since the storm pushed through during the night and even though it was roasting in the bed with the four of us, I’m, now, frozen solid as I stand alone in just my boxer briefs. Opening my arms, I move to pull Aly close, not only for affection but to warm my ass up. But even that doesn’t go my way.
“Aaaaah!” At first, I think the loud screeching sound is coming from Aly, but I suddenly want to hide under the bed in shame when I find it was, in fact,medoing the screeching. “Holy fucking hell, why’re you so cold?!”
Thump… Thump
“OOF!”
I look over tothosesounds and find both Hawk and Cole splayed out on the floor. They must have fallen out of the bed.
“Holy fucking bananas, Batman! Who in the fuck killed a mutha-fucking cat? Who was it? Was it you?” Hawk looks around at all of us before pointing an accusatory finger at me, lifting an eyebrow in judgement.
I hold up my hands, surrendering. “No one killed anything, dickface, except you when you killed my fucking boner this morning.” I point my finger right back at him, accusing his sorry ass for my clickbait wakeup call.
Hawk jerks his head back confused as Cole starts howling, loudly, from under him. His chest bouncingso much with laughter that the movement effectively pushes Hawk off, allowing him to sit up.
“Aly, beautiful, was Hawk cuddling you just now?” Cole asks for the benefit of everyone, most especially Hawk.
“Uh, no. I just came out of the shower.” She points a thumb back towards the bathroom as she looks at me, pushing my chest playfully as she speaks. “Which is why I’m freezing because I wanted to clean up again after last night’s…everything...but forgot the water heater doesn’t work anymore. So I sucked it up and took a cold one.”
Ahh, so that’s why she felt like an ice cube. Gonna have to fix that today. In addition to the heat pump not working, there’s also the fact that the water pump connected to the well won’t work anymore, either. Not without the solar panels or the backup generator. Which means, at this time, we no longer have a working solution for getting water from the well to the house and Aly probably just unknowingly used everything in the reserve tanks…
Looks like I’m taking a shit in the woods this morning…
Top of the list: fix the fucking waterworks. But first…
Hawk looks at Aly, confused before turning back to Cole. “Ok….” He lifts his finger to his lips, putting his thinking face on before pointing at Cole with raised eyebrows. Cole responds by raising his hands and biting his lower lip.
“Hey, man, I didn’t cuddle you till just a little bit ago. It’s a fucking icebox in here and you’re warm as fuck.” He shrugs his shoulders, shaking his head and pursing his lips. “I don’t regret it.” Cole crosses his arms, unashamed of his little cuddle party.
“Hey, no worries. Cuddle bros for life, dude,” Hawk replies, lifting his fist to bump it against Cole’s before turning to my intimidating form with a wince. “Uhhh…”
I cross my arms over my chest waiting for him to figure it out but decide to rip off the band-aid as he stumbles over his own words.
“You squeezed my man titty. Grabbed it. Caressed the fuck out of it. And yeah, I’ll admit, I was into it.” I drop my smile. “Thought you were Aly, though.”
Hawk’s eyebrows jump to his hairline just as his eyes seem to leap out of his skull. It takes a second but I guess he comes to terms with this morning’s events, fixing his face into one of suave carelessness. “Well, uh… all I gotta say is… nice pecs, my man,” he says while pointing finger guns in my direction, clicking his tongue in emphasis. Placing the cherry on top, he ends his sign language tirade with grabby hands and a well-placedrawr.
Fucking asshole.
I can’t help but laugh, flip him off and move on, though. That’s just Hawk. He’s always had a laidback personality and , even though I'm definitely gonna bust his balls for it, I’m not about to fault him for cuddling when we’ve done the same exact thing to keep warm in the field before.
“Breakfast?” I ask, moving the conversation away from how cuddly I am as a living, breathing teddy bear and back to more important issues. Everyone responds overlappingly before they all race to the other side of the cabin where the kitchen is. Cole must have made his wayover prior to our closing arguments because he’s already placing a bottle of water in front of Aly.
“Make sure to drink it all, beautiful,” he whispers into her hair just loud enough for Hawk and myself to hear and make sure she abides by his request. On his list of things he does not take lightly, consent is at the top, immediately followed by hydration. After how the boys found Aly earlier this year, dehydrated as fuck and recovering from a borderline sugar coma, Cole makes sure to keep an eye on everything that goes into Aly’s body. Her responding nod, and an almost imperceivable “aye aye, cap’n,”draws a small smile from the doc who, then, grants her a kiss to the crown of her head as a reward for listening so pliantly.
I envy their relationship. It seems easy. Even with his rules and boundaries, Aly seems to thrive in his presence. Hawk’s too. The carefree nature he has with her, the ability to lighten the mood at any given moment, it’s refreshing.
Then, there’s me. Perpetually looking pissed off all the time. Only I’m not pissed off, per say, I’m vigilant. Protective. Someone needs to make sure everything’s running smoothly and if that makes me the mother hen of the group, so be it. As I pull out ingredients for breakfast, however, the mother hen in me erupts.
I glare at the stove, barely restraining my fist from crushing the piece of bread in my hand, as a snarl takes over my face and a deep unrestrained growl crawls up my throat. I know I’m being childish, flipping the fuck out over a piece of bread, but it’s not even about the damn food. No matter where I turn, I’m bombarded with proof of my failure. That even though I did my best, I didn’t do nearly enough. We have no electricity anymore. The solar panels and generatorare fucked. Which means after all the work and years I’ve spent preparing my properties, we’ve been reduced to stone age technology.
Turning away from my latest trigger, I throw the bread I sliced up for toast onto the counter and charge my way out the front door and around to the side of the cabin. I hear Hawk call out from behind me, asking, ‘Wait, where’re you going?’ To which I simply reply, “Out!” They don’t need to see me have a breakdown over breakfast. I’m embarrassed enough that I don’t even want to see myself like this but, unfortunately, my brain says otherwise.
A small fire pit, surrounded by bricks and Adirondack chairs, becomes the focus of my fury as I begin to throw wood at it from the chopped pile. Some pieces make it in, some bounce off at weird angles, others miss completely. I’m too frustrated to care.
The last few years come barreling to the forefront of my mind. All the preparation. All the money spent just in case. All the time and effort to keep my chosen family safe and secure. Completely. Fucking. Useless.
