Page 47 of Anathema
He would give us exactly what we wanted, and then I would get rid of him for good.
Chapter 20
Alexis
Ispentmostofthe day locked up in my apartment, pissed off at the fact that Derek wouldn’t allow me to speak with Eli—not that I was looking forward to speaking with him after everything that had happened today. Nonetheless, Derek wasn't going to tell me what I could and couldn’t do or who I could and couldn’t speak to.
Letting out a feral growl in anger, I stood from the couch where I was lying and threw a pillow at the wall.
“Bit dramatic, don’t you think?” A dark chuckle came from behind me, and I didn’t need to turn around to find out who it belonged to.
“I see you are just letting yourself into my apartment without knocking or permission now. I didn’t realize that letting you into my life gave you an all-access pass.” My voice dripped sarcasm as I slowly turned, crossing my arms over my chest.
Derek was standing in the entryway of my apartment, resting his shoulder against the frame with a smug smirk as he knocked on the door with his knuckle.
“There, I knocked. But I don’t need your permission because you want me here. You just don’t want to admit it. That you’ve been sitting here all day waiting for me to come home to you.” He smiled as he pushed off the doorframe and stalked towards me into the living room.
Goddamn him. I hated that he made me want him. That he was right.
What I hated most was that he knew he was right and ate up every second of it.
I didn’t move as he stepped into me, licking his lips, eyes scanning my body like a thief inspecting the crown jewels. As I felt his gaze on my skin, I fisted my hands, arms still crossed between us.
When he told me he wouldsee me tonight, all I could think about was how slow time seemed to pass without him. Not only did I spend the day sitting here pissed off at him for his actions, but I spent it wishing night would fall faster. Maybe I left the door unlocked because no matter how much I hated him, I wanted him all the same.
“Were you?” He asked, a low growl to his words.
“Was I what?” I raised a brow, a challenge.
He chuckled as he raised his hand, softly dragging a knuckle along my cheek. I couldn’t help but lean into his touch. He feltso right, so good.
“Were you waiting for me to come home?” He repeated his words from earlier, his voice soft, a whisper, caressing my senses.
Home.I liked the sound of that.
I was in sensory overload, drowning in all things Derek—his touch, scent, and presence. It was overwhelming, consuming, damning.
Fuck, what I wouldn’t give to just to let it all go and be his just as he wanted it. And why couldn’t I? Why was I so determined to fight him and refuse everything he had to give me? The longer I thought about it, the more I realized I had no reasonable answer to those questions. None whatsoever.
“You want to talk about this battle I see you fighting in your eyes right now? The long silences it creates between us?” Derek’s voice was calm and comforting as his fingers caressed my chin, and he dragged his thumb across my bottom lip.
I realized I had gone still and quiet, staring into his warm brown eyes as if they would disappear if I so much as blinked. Derek was intoxicating.
“Home.” The only word that seemed to break through my scrambled thoughts and all of the other words I wanted to give him.
I swallowed, sucking in a breath as the confession I had held back and fought off for so long finally burst from my lips like a ruptured dam wall.
“You’re my home, Derek,” I whispered—the confession lifting a weight that had been crushing me for months.
Derek blinked in disbelief as if he didn’t anticipate those words ever leaving my mouth, not even once. For the first time, I felt like I could breathe freely.
“Lex—” He breathed, searching my eyes for a lie, regret, or uncertainty in my words. He won’t find any of that—because I was accepting what he knew all along.
That I was his, and he was mine. And no matter how hard I tried to fight him off, to resist him, we belonged together. He may have fallen for me first and loved me all this time, but I was finally ready to love him back.
“Shh…” I pressed a finger to his lips. It was my turn to talk. To show him my cards.
“I love to hate you, Derek. But what I love even more than hating you is that no matter what I say or do, you will always be there, loving me, even at my worst. That you fight for me harder than I fight for myself.” I took a deep breath. “There isn’t a single second that I don’t think about you anymore. Not a time in the day when I don’t want you near me. I need you like the air I breathe, and if that’s what love is, then…” I paused. “I love you, Derek.”
