Page 73 of Anathema
I ground my teeth the entire drive back to my apartment. Simmering in the silence that I had created between Derek and myself. That last thing I needed was his pity. What I really needed was to be fucked so hard that I would forget the last twenty-four or more hours of events.
My thighs pressed together as I felt myself getting wet at the thought of sex. I’ve never needed something more. It took all my strength not to look over at Derek as he drove us home; I couldn’t show him just how desperately I needed him. How fucked up it was that after everything that had happened tonight, I was needy and ready to fuck.
He parked right outside the main doors of my apartment building, and I climbed out of his truck.
Noticing that he didn’t move from his seat, I turned to face him.
“Well?” I finally opened my mouth, and all he gave me in return was a confused look. “Are you staying or leaving?” I sighed before slamming the door shut and heading to the main entrance. Before reaching the doors, I heard his door shut and footsteps running up behind me. I bit back the grin of satisfaction.
As we started making our way up the stairwell, I could hear Derek mumbling to himself. I knew what he was thinking because I had similar thoughts earlier. He didn’t need to tell me his doubts. I understood them, probably because I had planted those same seeds with this whole hot and cold dance we’ve been doing for months.
For the longest time, I honestly did hate him and wanted nothing more than to bury his ass six feet under. But as time progressed and he continued to obsess over me more and more, I started growing attached to him—having feelings for him.
It was never my intention to fall in love with Derek. We were enemies, after all, and I thought I could handle us just being casual fuck buddies at the start until I could find somebody else. Where was the harm in that? But then feelings got involved, and I slowly descended into an intense desire for him, with my lust consuming me whole.
He may have loved me from the start, but it wasn’t until now that I truly understood the magnitude of our relationship and what he meant to me. I thought love was something simple and easy. But it was more than that—more than I could ever comprehend. It was an overwhelming feeling that didn’t have or need an explanation. It just is.
Fuck it. He wins. He will always win with me.
“Derek.” I sighed, turning around and shoving him up against the nearest wall of the stairwell. “Stop thinking. Just stop. I can hear your thoughts a mile away.” I curled my hands in his shirt, forming them into tight fists. God, his scent was intoxicating; Iwanted more of it. He looked at me and wondered if I could read his thoughts. Derek was an open book at this point. I could read him with my eyes closed if I wanted to.
“Yes, you are. So stop it. I’ve had a rough night—day, whatever, and the last thing I need is to stand here and reassure you of this—” The first thing I needed was a thorough fucking. Without space to pause, I devoured his mouth, forcing my tongue between his lips and taking what was mine. He was delicious, a taste that never disappointed.
I pulled away from him, my eyes locking on his warm brown gaze, and I couldn’t help the smirk that pulled across my lips.
“I may be wounded, and the world more fucked up than ever. But I sure as fuck know that I want you now more than before. You risked everything to save me from Adrian and Anathema. Something I believed that I never deserved in the least. So, if you think I am going to let my pretty boy go after all that? You’d be wrong. So very,very wrong.”
My eyes dropped to his lips, and I bit my bottom lip before dragging him the rest of the way up the stairs by his shirt.
I was going to have him tonight in every way and room possible.
Starting with the shower.
Onceinthedoor,I let go of Derek and began stripping off my dirt and blood-crusted clothes, dropping them to the floor asI made my way towards the bathroom. It felt good to peel away the layers of guilt, resentment, and pain, and I looked forward to washing everything away, to starting a new chapter, free of the chains that held me down and the walls I had built to hold me back from a life I never dreamed of having.
I heard the curtain shift behind me as I finished scrubbing the last bit of dried blood from my skin.
“You were quick to get in here,” Derek chuckled, his hands gliding across my stomach from behind. I instantly spun around in his arms, gripping the back of his head and bringing his mouth to meet mine; I swallowed the moan he gave me, pressing my hips into his.
“Derek, I—”
“Shh…” He pressed his finger to my lips, preventing me from continuing, and my eyes burned with unshed tears. “You don’t need to say anything. Let me take care of you, Lex.”
I didn’t deserve him. After everything we had been through, I didn’t deserve anything he had to offer me. I pushed and pushed, yet here he was, standing in my shower, as naked and exposed as I felt on the inside.
My hand found its way to his wrist, and I removed his finger from my lips. Staring up at the warm brown eyes, I slowly came to love; I inhaled deeply and blinked away the tears that started to blur my vision.
“Why?” I asked the only question I had. Of course, there were a million more I had, but this was the one question that plaguedme for weeks.Why?Everything that happened to me, between us, around us, all rooted in the why.
Derek chuckled as if my question was ridiculous. He moved his hand to tuck a stray strand of hair behind my ear and pressed his lips to my forehead.
“Because you are it for me. You’re everything I ever dreamed of having, wrapped up in the perfect, vicious, and feral package.” He murmured.
I laughed and started crying at his words as his eyes returned to meet mine. Cupping my cheeks in his hands. I leaned into his touch, desperate for as much contact with him as possible.
“But I kept secrets from you, Anathema, Eli… You should be angry with me, furious.” I don’t know why I decided to pry into my wrongdoings, and I sure as fuck didn’t want him to hate me after it all. “How can you be this calm and forgiving?”
“I am angry with you, Lex. I’m mad you didn’t tell me the truth and withheld information from the start. I am pissed off that you were reckless enough to get yourself into that kind of position with Adrian in the first place.” He started. “But I also understand what you just went through, and I would be a monster to tear you apart for it. You’re alive, here, in my arms, and safe. That’s all I could ask for, all I care about.” He sighed heavily. “I’ll always forgive you, pretty viper. Because I don’t want the alternative… and as for Eli, he—”
