Page 5 of Dark Shaman: Love Found
The pieces suddenly clicked into place for Tamira with shocking clarity. The nausea, the mood swings, the way Areana watched Tula with such careful concern. But surely not. Tula didn't want to conceive, and they all knew how to prevent it from happening, even though Navuh forbade them to use contraceptives.
Still, things happened.
"You don't think…" Sarah began, apparently reaching the same conclusion.
"Don't," Raviki said sharply. "Whatever you are thinking, don't voice it." She tilted her head slightly toward where a gardener was pruning a hedge that didn't need pruning, positioned perfectly to eavesdrop on their group.
When they fell silent, Tamira's thoughts wandered to Eliasagain, wondering what he was doing. Had Navuh summoned him today?
The lord had called for Elias almost daily back in the harem. Whatever service Elias provided, it was clearly important to Navuh. Perhaps that meant she would see him today, and the thought made her heart race in a way that should have been alarming.
How had this happened?
How had a man she'd known for such a short time become so essential to her? Tamira had had countless lovers over her long life. Some she'd cared for, others had been mere diversions to break the monotony of eternal life, but none had affected her like Elias.
It wasn't just his touch, though that had been revelatory. It wasn't just his mind, though their conversations had engaged her in ways she'd forgotten were possible. It was something deeper, a connection that defied her attempts to categorize or dismiss it.
"You're missing Elias," Sarah stated quietly.
Tamira looked up, startled. "Why do you say that?"
"You get this look when you're thinking about him. Like you're trying to solve a puzzle that keeps changing shape."
"That's not a bad description of how he makes me feel," Tamira admitted.
"Getting attached to a human is not smart," Liliat said. "You know how this ends."
"I know." Tamira dipped her fingers in the fountain, letting the cool water run over her wrist. "Believe me, I've given myself every logical argument and stern talking-to against it. He'll age. He'll die. I'll be left with nothing but memories and regret. But logic doesn't work for me in Elias's case." She shook her head. "It's difficult to explain. It's like he's awakened something in me that's been dormant for centuries. When I'm with him, I feel alive. My life before him seems like one long, meaningless dream."
"That's scary," Rolenna said. "And beautiful."
"Both," Tamira agreed. "Definitely both."
As Areana and Tula returned, their expressions were neutral, guarded, but there was a tightness around Areana's eyes, and Tula's shoulders were slumped.
"I should go rest," Tula said. "If you'll excuse me."
She fled before anyone could respond, practically running back to the house. Tamira caught Areana's arm as she moved to follow.
"Is she all right?" she asked quietly.
Areana's smile was sad. "As all right as any of us can be under the circumstances. Don't worry about Tula. She's strong."
It wasn't really an answer, but Tamira knew better than to push. They all had their secrets, their private pains. If Tula was indeed pregnant, as Tamira suspected, then she was facing a possible heartbreak no female should endure.Unless she had a daughter, her child would be taken from her like all the others.
In the beginning, daughters had been taken as well and placed in the Dormants' enclave to become breeders for Navuh's army, but Areana had managed to negotiate with Navuh for the girls to remain in the harem. They still weren't allowed to turn immortal, but at least they didn't have to endure the abuse the breeders were subjected to.
"I think I'll go in as well," Tamira said. "The heat is getting to me."
It was an excuse, and they all knew it, but no one called her out on it.
She made her way back to the house, noting how the servants seemed to shift positions to maintain their surveillance. In the harem, they'd at least had the illusion of privacy. Here, every movement was tracked, every conversation potentially reported.
Back in her room, she lay on the bed with its black and white linens, staring at the ceiling and trying not to think about how different this was from her quarters in the harem. There, she'd had her books, her personal treasures, and the lingering scent of Elias on her pillows.
Here, she had nothing but memories and the aching hope that she might see him tonight.
She closed her eyes and tried to recall every detail of their last night together. The way his hands had moved over her skin. The words he'd whispered in the darkness. The promises they'd made that they both knew might be impossible to keep.
