Page 85 of Dark Shaman: Love Found
Elias pulled her against him. "I won't let anything happen to you."
"You might not have a choice." She pressed her face against his chest, breathing in his scent. "You are only one man, and you are human. You can't defend me from them. I need the poison for all the ladies. We deserve the right to choose our own fate rather than fall into the hands of monsters."
"You're asking me to help you take your own life. I can't do that."
"I'm asking you to give me control over my own destiny. To choose my exit. Even Navuh gave us that choice. Whoever couldn't stand her life anymore could jump off the cliff, and one human maid chose to do it. But here we have no options, and we are even less safe than in the harem. Fates, I've never thought I would say that, but I wish we could be back there."
"The safety was an illusion. The harem was well guarded, but Navuh's mansion is guarded better. You are safer here."
She pulled back to look at him. "Please, Elias. If you can find Zhao, get us the poison from him, and if you can't find him but know how to make one, please do. We might never have to use it, but it will give us peace of mind."
"I'm a healer, Tamira. I learned the art of preserving life, not ending it." His voice carried an odd weight, as if this distinction were somehow sacred to him. "My teachers were very specific about this. We learned to identify poisonous plantsin order to avoid them, to create antidotes, and never to use them as weapons. But even if I was willing to break my vows, those plants don't grow around here, and even if they did, I doubt they would be effective on immortals."
Tamira was getting desperate. "Then the scientist is our only hope."
"I told you, I haven't seen him in days. I can't just walk into his laboratory. I'm not even allowed to leave the hotel area without an escort. The bar is the only place where our paths might cross."
"Then go there. Every night if you have to."
"He might never show up, but I'll ask about him." Elias shook his head. "Navuh is a paranoid male, and he will wonder why I'm asking about his scientist. I'm sure he knows everything that goes on in that hotel."
Tamira didn't want to expose Elias to danger, but she was desperate for that ultimate way out. "I hate endangering you in any way, but I can't bear the thought of being helpless if those monsters come for us."
He sighed. "Tomorrow, after we return from the harem grounds, I'll go straight to the bar. I'll wait all evening if necessary. If Zhao doesn't appear, I'll ask the bartender if he's seen him."
She closed her eyes. "I shouldn't ask this of you."
"I understand your fear. I'll do it. But we need to be realistic. The chances of finding Zhao and convincing him to give me some of his poison are very small. Nonexistent, in fact."
Tamira was quiet for a moment, her mind searching for alternatives. It wasn't easy for an immortal to end her own life, but if someone cut out her heart, that would do it. She couldn't ask Elias to do such a thing, but maybe Tula?
No, even she wouldn't have the stomach for that.
She slumped against him, defeated. "So, we're helpless."
"You're not helpless." He tilted her chin up. "The rebellion might not happen. Zhao was drunk, possibly exaggerating. The enhanced soldiers might remain under control."
"You don't believe that."
"No," he admitted. "But I assume that there are not many of them and that they are vastly outnumbered by strong, immortal soldiers, who will crush that rebellion as soon as it starts." He arranged the silk throws over them both. "You have nothing to worry about."
His words were comforting, and she wanted to believe him, but she'd seen the concern in his eyes and wasn't convinced he was telling her the truth.
"Then why are you so worried?"
"Because there will be bloodshed, and to me, all life is precious."
He sounded convincing, but she was haunted by images of enhanced soldiers breaking down doors, overwhelming the guards, and claiming whatever they wanted.
Tamira had survived five thousand years of captivity by being careful, obedient, and invisible. But the only one shehad needed to appease was Lord Navuh, and he meant her no harm as long as she toed the line. That wasn't going to work against monsters who thought themselves gods and tore each other apart for sport.
"Promise me something," she said quietly.
"What?"
"Promise that you won't let them take me alive."
"Tamira—"
