Page 102 of Bad Habit
“Yeah, but I made an anonymous tip. They don’t know for sure it was us.”
“They know.” Nick shook his head. “Come on. They offered Keagan a deal.”
“Keagan, sure. He’s been offered immunity from that one crime. What about all the other shit we’ve done? If Shane goes back inside…” If I saw Faith again, we’d all be cooked.
Nick drew in a long breath. “Look. Jade’s right. Sounds like excuses. Excuses to avoid rejection. If you go see her, what’s the worst that could happen?”
“We’ll all end up inside. All five of us.”
“Is that really the worst thing?” Jade asked.
My shoulders dropped. “No.”
The worst thing was that Faith would reject me again. And I was already there. Already heartbroken. The worst that could happen had already happened.
“Tell me this…” Nick leaned toward me. “This girl, does she love you?”
“She does,” I said without thinking or hesitation. “Or she did. Or shethoughtshe did.”
“If she loves you,” Jade said, “she’s not going to do anything to hurt you or your brothers. Besides, they can’t convict you based on her word.”
I nodded. I had thought of that. But her statement would lead to warrants, and eventually they’d find something. There was a lot to find. It wasn’t like we didn’t deserve to do time.
And Jade was wrong. Even if Faith loved me, she’d keep her promise. She didn’t lie.
If I tried to see her again, she’d call the police.
* * *
Faith
Sister Henry and I walked up a steep hill, and I tried to let some light penetrate my heart. So many things were going well. Why wasn’t I happy?
“Thanks for putting in a good word with Mother Superior,” I said.
“What about?” Sister Henry puffed with the exertion of climbing the hill.
“Letting me stay at the mission until I can afford to move out.”
“Oh.” Henry shook her head. “That didn’t have anything to do with me. We’ve never had anyone who worked as hard as you do, who’s made such a difference.”
“Thanks. I’m sure I’ll find a job soon so I can move out. I don’t want to freeload.”
“Honey.” She put her arm over my shoulders and puffed as we stopped at the crest of the hill. “You stay with us as long as you want.”
“I’m so grateful to know you.” I hugged the older woman.
“I’m grateful to know you, too. And I’m so proud of you. You’re doing so well with your GED prep, I’m sure you’ll get into whatever college program you apply for.”
My heart swelled with hope. I was doing positive things for myself, for my future, but my hope had such a strong undercurrent of pain it was hard to keep my head afloat.
“What’s wrong?” Sister Henry asked. “You look sad.”
“I miss him.”
“I know, honey.” She squeezed my shoulders. “And I’m so sorry. I wish I could do something to make it better.”
“Time will help. That what you said, right?” We started walking again, crossing the intersection and preparing for a descent down the same street.
“Your heartwillheal. Eventually. Trust me.”
It hurt to hear the wordtrust, and right now it was hard to trust that my pain would ever lessen. It had been nearly three weeks since I’d learned the truth about Mac, and my heart felt ripped in two, my life incomplete.
Maybe, if I was lucky, really lucky, someday I’d meet a trustworthy man I could love. But right now, that didn’t seem possible.
But even if love was not part of my future, I’d be okay. I’d never thought romantic love would be part of my life in the first place, and at least I’d known one true love. That was more than some people had in a lifetime, so I’d heard.
Someday my pain would lessen. Someday the gaping hole in my chest would patch over. Someday I’d stop missing Mac.
