Page 105 of Bad Habit
He shook his head. “I thought if I explained, gave you some closure, it might help you trust someone else some day, but that was all rationalization. I just wanted to see you.”
“Well, here I am.” I set the ball on the ground, resting my foot on top to keep it from rolling.
“I know you have no reason to believe anything I’ve said today.” He put his ball down, too. “But everything’s changed since I last saw you. My brothers and I, we’re out of crime—all of us—for good.”
“That’s great.” I wanted to believe him, to trust him. Or maybe I just wanted to go to bed with him. Even just kiss him one last time. But I had to stay strong. “I’m happy for you, Mac, and—”
“Let me finish, okay?”
I nodded, making a gesture to lock my lips and throw away the key. Whatever he needed to get off this chest, I’d let him, but after that he’d have to hearmeout, too. If I’d changed him, then he needed to understand how he’d changed me, too, changed every part of me. And not in the way that he thought.
“All the stuff in that container we stole. Including the heroin,” he added quietly. “I turned it all over to the police.”
I gasped. “Does that mean you’re already going to prison? Is that why you came? Because you had nothing to lose?”
“They don’t have enough evidence.” He took a long breath. “Not without your statement, anyway.”
I nodded, relieved to hear he wasn’t going to prison. I believed in justice, but even more than that I believed in redemption, in second chances, and if Mac and his brothers could turn their lives around… I believed that was possible. And I no longer wanted to call the police.
“Anyway.” He looked at me, so much vulnerability in his eyes. “Besides apologizing, I wanted to thank you. Without you, I’m not sure I’d have had the courage to go to the cops—and I didn’t just do it because I thought you’d turn me in.”
“I told you I wouldn’t. Not unless—”
“But after doing that last job, nothing felt right. My whole life felt wrong—like nothing had ever been right and I’d just been faking my life up to that point. I’ve always been good at convincing people. Seems like I was even better at convincing myself. But it stopped working. I stopped believing my own con.”
“I guess that’s good?” My heart went out to him. The confident man I’d known seemed lost, adrift. “I’m proud of you, Mac. I always knew you were a good man, that the life of crime didn’t sit well with you. These changes you’re making, turning the stolen goods over to the police, it proves your sincerity, it proves your goodness.”
“Handing over the haul.” Closing his eyes for a moment, he shook his head. “I’m not as good as you think. I had another motive—saving Keagan’s ass. Because of the drugs, my brother’s getting a deal. But the rest of it, the stuff we actuallymeantto steal, I realized that I couldn’t live with myself if I sold it. I know that sounds like a load of shit—”
“It doesn’t.”
He blinked as if shocked. “Thanks. That means a lot.”
“So, what are you going to do now?”
A grin infiltrated his sadness. “Dillon and I are starting a business.”
“What kind of business?”
“He’s going to fix things. All kinds of things. Things that people would throw out otherwise. Stuff they’ve already thrown out that we find at thrift stores or the city dumps.”
“And you’ll help him fix the things?”
He took a step forward. “I’ll run the business. Do the marketing. Advertising. Bookkeeping. I’ll deal with the customers, be the face of the business, try to get us publicity, that kind of shit, I mean stuff.”
“That’s wonderful.” Joy spread inside me, so happy for Mac. “I’ve found my calling, too.”
He tipped his head to the side. “I thought you said—”
“Not a religious calling. I want to help people in other ways. I’m going to go to college. Probably for social work. Find something I can do to help disadvantaged communities.”
He grinned, but his expression was tinged with doubt. “That’s great. If it’s what you really want… But I can’t help but think, if we hadn’t met, if I hadn’t taken advantage of you…”
I lifted my chin and stepped toward him. “Mac Downey. Are you accusing me of lying?”
“I don’t think you know how.”
“Well then, you must not be very good atlistening, because I’ve already told you. Meeting you was the best thing that’s ever happened in my life. You changed me. No. That’s not right. Yourevealedme.”
