Page 106 of Bad Habit
“I don’t understand.”
“My whole life, it’s like I was tightly wrapped, bound by the things my mother taught me. I was hidden under the mask of who she wanted me to be. But thatwasn’tme.”
I stepped forward and put my hand lightly on his chest.
He inhaled sharply, and a tremor raced through my body. “You.” I looked up into his eyes. “It was you who first saw me. You were the first person to ever see who I truly was. And even better, you helpedmesee me. Mac, you opened my eyes to so many things.” A blush heated my cheeks and my chest. “But the most important was helping me discover myself.”
His conflicted expression was hard to read. I wanted so badly for him to wrap his arms around me, to kiss me, to tell me that he still loved me the way I loved him.
Then his expression did become easier to read—and I did not like what I saw.
He stepped back. “That’s terrific, Faith. I couldn’t be happier for you. On second thought, I’m glad I came today. It’s great to know you’re going to be okay.”
The coldness in his tone chilled the heat of my rising blush.
“Mac…”
He handed me the ball. “I should get going. It was great to see you again.” He strode toward the exit at the far side of the court.
“Mac!” I dropped the ball. It struck the other one, and the two rolled off in opposite directions. I raced forward. “Stop. Mac. I’m not finished.”
He stopped but didn’t turn. “Not finished what?”
“Talking to you. I let you say your piece, now you need to listen to me. You owe me that.”
His shoulders twitched, and he turned slowly toward me. “Okay. Shoot.”
“Mac, I, you… there’s something else I need to tell you. If I don’t, I’ll never forgive myself.” Why had I become tongue-tied? I tried to wet my dry mouth.
“Hey!” Mac shouted. “Put those down.” He touched my upper arm. “Some assholes are stealing your basketballs.” He took a step toward them, but I grabbed his hand and held tight.
“I don’t care. Let them go.”
“But…”
“Mac, you broke my heart. I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving you. Sister Henry says it will lessen with time, but I don’t see how that’s possible.”
He was frozen in place, still turned toward the ball thievery scene. I wanted to see into his eyes, but perhaps it was easier this way. Not seeing his expression gave me a few more moments of hope before he shattered my heart in a billion pieces.
I ran my thumb lightly over his hand. “I need to tell you. I need you to know, in case there’s any chance you still feel the same way. Mac, I love you. I will always love you. And if you—”
“It’s just lust.”
His words punched me in the guts. “Oh.”
He turned slowly toward me, so much pain in his eyes. “Faith, I was your first. What you’re feeling, it’s not real.”
Air refilled my lungs. He meant me, not him. “Itisreal. What I’m feeling. It’s real.”
He shook his head. “I’m the only man you’ve been with. The only man you’ve ever even kissed.”
“That just means I got lucky.” I leaned up against him. “Very lucky.”
He drew a few inches away. “You’ll meet someone new. Someone better. And then you’ll understand.”
“It’s you who doesn’t understand, Mac. For me, there is no one better. There will never be anyone better.”
“Ha!” A sharp laugh burst from his chest. “Almostanyman would be better.”
