Page 33 of Bad Habit
In fact, it wasn’t until Sister Henry had come into my room without knocking and found me that way that I learned everyone didn’t pray that way. But Mother hadn’t beaten me. Not often. Just when I was really, really bad, which I quickly learned not to be.
Aunt Astrid took tissues from her purse and offered one to me. We both wiped our eyes and blew our noses.
“Anyway, that’s why your mother decided to become a nun.”
“A nun? Mother?” I shook my head. I still hadn’t looked at the papers in the folders. Maybe I’d been right about this woman in the first place. Maybe all of this was a lie.
“She quit school at sixteen and entered the convent. Pappa was so proud. Mamma, too. They made me feel so inadequate in comparison, even though I’d always been the good child, the rule follower… Second-child syndrome, I suppose…”
“But Mother wasn’t a nun.”
“No. Before taking her vows, she got pregnant.”
“A virgin birth?” I shook my head as soon as the words were out of my mouth. “Of course not. Was she… Was she raped—again?”
“Honey, I’m not actually sure. She wouldn’t tell me what happened. I suspect it was one of the priests.”
“No!” That didn’t seem possible. But I realized much of what I’d thought impossible could be true.
Astrid blew her nose. “I had to sneak out of the house and take a bus to go see her. She was so ashamed…”
Aunt Astrid shook her head. “Britt was so confused. Even then, even though I was younger, when I tried to talk to her about what happened, about whether she had the option to marry the man who’d gotten her pregnant, or whether she wanted to consider other options…” Astrid shook her head. “When I talked to her, her responses were so full of shame and guilt and misunderstandings about life, about sex, about everything. And then you…”
“What about me?”
“Britt disappeared from the convent, and Pappa refused to ever mention her again. Mamma too. It was like Britt didn’t exist. I wasn’t even sure you’d been born, but when Pappa died, Mamma told me that he’d found Britt and her baby a safe place to live. I asked her where, but she’d never tell me. Claimed she didn’t know.”
“Your mamma…” I couldn’t bring myself to say,my grandmother.
“She lives in Minneapolis. She’s remarried. Happy. I tried to get her to come with me to Britt’s funeral, but she wouldn’t. Even after I told her about you… I’m sorry.”
Something sharp stabbed in my chest. How could I be hurt by a grandmother I’d never met, never even known existed? But I was hurt. She hadn’t even wanted to go to her daughter’s funeral.
The bells signaling vigil Mass rang, and I shot to my feet. “I’ve got to go.”
“Please. Faith.” Aunt Astrid squeezed my arm. “Please keep in touch. I put my contact information on the top of that first folder. I’m only in town for today, but I can come back. Anytime. And you can visit me. Stay with me as long as you like. Just promise me…”
“What?” My voice was a near whisper.
“Promise you’ll think long and hard about becoming a nun. Be sure it’s whatyouwant, and not just something Britt made you promise to do.”
* * *
Mac
Shane burst through the door to our brother Keagan’s Shady Oaks apartment and then kicked it shut behind him so hard the wall shook.
Shane was the second youngest of the five Downey brothers, and, other than Da, the one who’d paid the highest price to date for our family business not being entirely legal. Okay. Our business was almost entirelyillegal, and for some reason that had been weighing on me more since I’d met Faith.
Or maybe the weight had been there since Shane had done his time and emerged a coke addict.
“We need to plan this job! Now!” Shane stood over me as I sat on the sofa, feet up on the table, hands cradling my beer.
“Chill, Shane,” Keagan said from the kitchen where he was pulling cold cuts from the fridge. “Wait until everyone’s here.”
Shane paced across the room.
“Is Nick coming?” I asked Keagan.
