Page 70 of Bad Habit
I swallowed hard as I nodded.
“Then why do it?”
Her question was simple, and so was the answer. “It’s all I’ve ever known. All any of us knew. Our Da—he’s in prison—he was always a thief. His da before him. Da trained us. I barely remember a time when I wasn’t involved in some kind of scam.” Shame scorched through me, and I looked away.
Hand on my cheek, she pulled my face back around. “You didn’t have a choice.”
I shook my head. “It wasn’t like that. Not always. Maybe when I was kid, but I always knew it was wrong. I didn’tneedto go along with it. Even when I was a kid, I knew what we were. I knew the Downeys were scum.”
Her hand lifted up to my face. “That’s not true.” She chewed on her lower lip for a moment, her eyebrows drawing closer together. “The clothes. You bought those, right? The hotel room? This trip?” Her voice got higher as she asked.
“It’s all legit. Every penny.”
“And you’re done with it. The stealing.”
I nodded. Iwasdone with it. I hadn’t realized it before, but I made the decision in an instant.
Her head landed soft on my chest, and she slowly stroked my pecs on the other side. “We can’t help our pasts. They’re part of who we are, but we can’t change them or take them back. All we can do is move forward, right?”
“I guess.”
“I was pushed into a family business, too.”
“How’s that?”
“My plan to become a nun. That was like joining my family business. It’s what Mother wanted. No one even asked what I wanted. Not even me. I never even thought to consider it.”
“And what do you want?” I risked a quick peek at her.
She sighed, her breath hot as it slid over my chest. “I honestly don’t know. That visit from my aunt, the things she told me about Mother about my grandfather. It changed everything.”
“How’s that?”
“My mother’s strident faith, the way she practiced her religion, it came from such a dark place. Darkness rooted in fear, all wrapped up in religion… That was my family’s business.” She looked up into my eyes. “I don’t want any part of it.”
“I don’t understand.” She’d told me how her mother made her pray ten times a day, sometimes on sandpaper, how she wasn’t allowed to talk to anyone the few times her mom took her to town, but clearly there was more.
“My mother. She was raped.” She blinked a few times and shuddered. “My grandfather, I suppose he was only trying to protect Mother, but he did terrible things to her, punished her for things that weren’t her fault, punished her for having me, and in her own way, Mother did the same. Kept me isolated, afraid. She used pain and fear and manipulation to keep me close.”
I pulled her more tightly against me, stroking the back of her head, wishing I could erase everything from her past that had hurt her. “I’m so sorry.”
“If Mother hadn’t gotten cancer, I’d still be living with her, alone in the woods.” Tears in her eyes, she looked up into mine and smiled. “But we can be the ones to break our family patterns, right? We don’t need to be who our parents wanted us to be.”
She was glowing, and her smile overtook her face, her entire body.
“You’re amazing.”
“No, I’m not.” She shook her head. “Where did that come from?”
“You are. It boggles my mind. You grew up in darkness, but you see the light in everyone. You see possibilities, potential.”
“That’s how I see you.”
“Ha! Thanks, but that’s crazy.”
She pushed up onto her elbows to look at me. “It’s not crazy. You may have broken the law in the past, but you’re a good man. You’re generous and kind, and you’ve already changed my life in so many ways.”
“I’ve corrupted you.”
