Page 24 of Desired for Her Blood
She is sobbing now, tears streaming from the pain that I caused her, and I will never be able to forgive myself for what I have done.
I release her hands from the iron hook imbedded into the stone—how did such a thing come to be here?—and then sitting, I cradle her into my arms.
Expecting her to be repulsed by my touch, to retract from me, I’m shocked as she cuddles in closer, rubbing her head against my chest as she cries softly.
Her hair is covering her face, so I brush it back, careful to minimize contact with her soft skin, lest the feeling reawakens the monster.
She looks up into my eyes. “Thank you.”
My back stiffens. “You are thanking me for hurting you?” Confusion overtakes me. My Makers always forced me to thank them for my punishments, and once I was fully trained, I too demanded gratitude from my many victims—both human and vampire—but I am certain Ember has no such training or inclination.
“That’s not why I’m crying.” Her fingers glide over my chest, and this does not help to tame the stiff rod between my legs.
“The sex…” she closes her eyes for a moment “…it was intense and, yes, itwaspainful at times, but…”
Shame floods inside me, weighing me down. If I had the proper equipment right now, I would punish myself for what I did to her.
It took fifty years of self-flagellation and constraints on my sexual organs for me to overcome this affliction the first time, and I hate that I must start that process again. Hate even more that she was the casualty of my broken vow.
I am not built for normal sex and certainly not built for anything like love. And Ember deserves to have both.
Her hand rises to stroke my cheek and I open my eyes to find her looking with affection into mine.
“The sex, the rough way you took me…” Her teeth scrape her lower lip. “It was just what I needed. After drinking Ryker’s blood, I felt like I couldn’t control myself. I felt wild. I tried to fight them, but my…urgeswere so strong, and Axe only made them stronger.”
I shake my head no, but she continues to nod and reaches up to stroke my cheek. “You saved me.”
“You cannot assuage my guilt. I know that I hurt you. Your tears reveal the truth you are trying to hide.”
“I’m not crying because of the sex.” Her voice tightens and her eyes well up again. “I’m crying because I don’t know who I am—evenwhatI am. You guys think I did something to Octavia, and I had this dream…”
She curls into a ball on my lap, like a delicate flower facing rain, and I drape my arms around her, wishing I had the power to wash away her pain.
Then I realize that I might be able to help her. I have at least theories, partial answers to some of the questions that plague her. But I must proceed with caution. The last thing I want to do is add to her uncertainties with incomplete answers.
“Will it help to talk about it?” I ask. “Will you do me the honor of telling me what you are thinking?”
Unfurling slightly, she shrugs. “It was scary to lose control of my body like that.” She blinks and a rivulet of tears streams down her cheek.
I brush it away, and then let my arms encircle her loosely, clasping my hands together to keep from touching her supple inviting body.
“Do you mean how you felt when I fucked you too hard.” I wince, swallowing my shame. I am the one who lost all control.
She shakes her head.
“Then what do you mean?”
“You’re right. I did lose control during the sex, but that’s not what’s got me upset.” Bracing her hand on my shoulder, she pulls herself up to sit straighter, and her hip grazes my cock.
“Sorry.” Her eyes widen, full of concern.
I nod, trying to hide the effect of the impact, and glad that it’s too dark in here for her to see my expression fully.
“What vampire blood does to me…” She sighs. “It makes me feel wild—sodesperatefor sex.”
She closes her eyes. “Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy thesolutionto that particular problem.” She grins. “But I don’t like how helpless I feel.”
“The feeling of being driven by forces beyond your control,” I say softly. “That is something I very much understand.”
