Page 111 of Veiled Flames
“Oh.” Is his skin so thin he can’t tolerate such a small insult? “I apologize.”
He cups my face in his hand. “I’m the one who must offer apologies. That word—” he shakes his head “—it set off an explosion inside me.”
“Why?”
He stares into my eyes for what feels like a very long time, and slowly, the gulf that opened between us fills. Tynan is here in the room again. Here and fully with me.
“In my family—” he blinks “—any tender emotions, any act of kindness.” His body trembles against mine—not with fear, but with fury. Fury that’s not directed at me. I hope.
“Kindness, generosity—any attention to the needs of others…” Shame overtakes the anger in his eyes. “Such things were notonlydiscouragedin my family, they were viewed as signs of weakness. They brought on punishments. Severe punishments.”
Pain flickers in his eyes. “To compensate, I learned to lash out in anger. To quash my own pain and channel my anger, I utter threats and sometimes even inflict the pain I feel upon others.” He turns away from me.
“I’m so sorry.”
He turns back toward me. “I want you to know that I’ve changed. That I’m changing.” The sincerity in his eyes is palpable. His hope.
“My time here at camp has transformed me,” he says. “Sax—the dragon masters have taught me much. I’ve learned that cruelty isn’t a sign of strength, but a sign of weakness.” He takes a deep breath. “I’ve learned that true strength isn’t demonstrated through physical power or hurting others.” His head drops forward. “I thought I’d tamed my fury.”
I lick my lips. My heart has opened far more for this man than I thought possible, and I feel his pain as if it were my own. “You can’t expect to reverse a lifetime of experiences over a few moon cycles.”
“I should have better contained my anger.” He tugs on his hair. “I might have truly hurt you.”
I shake my head. “But youdidn’thurt me. Focus on that.” I still believe, deep in my soul, that nothing Tynan did to me tonight was fueled by cruelty. Perhaps right after I taunted him. But after that, I feel certain he was aware of what he was doing, and that he ensured he did not take it too far. Nothing he did—not even the sharp smacks to my bottom—seemed intended to hurt me.
My body heats, reminded of when he spanked me like a naughty child. His strikes caused a hot sting and yet somehow aroused me. And I’m certain those few strikes were nothing compared to the pain that Tynan has endured at the hands of others.
“I hate your father for what he did to you.”
His eyes narrow, but then he shakes his head as if trying to rid himself of whatever thought crossed his mind. His hand trails up and down my back and over my backside, and I shift one of my bent legs over his lap.
“Father only did what he was taught. As did my grandfather before him.” He draws a long breath, his chest rising against me. “The most confusing thing is, I don’t hate them.” His glance rises toward the ceiling. “Ilovemy family. Ilovemy kingdom and will defend it to my death. I do resent how I was treated whenever I showed my true—” He stops himself. “Who in Othrix’s name knows my true nature? Not me.”
Up to tonight, Tynan has presented himself as self-confident to the point of arrogance, and I love to see his self-questioning side.
“I haven’t known you for long,” I say softly. “But I believe I can see your true nature.” I press my hand against his chest. “Your heart is good. Your soul is pure.”
He shrugs. “You only say that becauseyourheart is pure.” His fingers slide from my bottom and slip between my legs. Finding my dampness, his fingers gently play there, almost absentmindedly as he looks into my eyes.
“Perhaps only goodness can see goodness?” I smile. “Perhaps you and I both see the other’s true nature.”
His fingers stall. “Did your father punish you as a child?”
“Punishme?” I think of the times I was scolded or spanked for disobedience. It was never my father who did it. It was typically Nurse. Sometimes the other servants when I was young. “My father rarely acknowledged I was alive.”
He turns my gaze to meet his. “How could he ignore you? You’re his eldest. His only daughter.”
I shrug. “He wanted boys. Heirs. And after my mother died…”
He kisses my forehead. “That must have been hard.” His fingers restart their idle fondling between my legs.
“I barely remember her. And you lost your mother too.”
He nods. “I never knew my mother.”
“Did she die in childbirth?”
His eyes cloud as he shakes his head, but he doesn’t tell me more.
