Page 26 of Sail Away
“Yes. I know that,” Reid said, clearing his throat.
Jag lowered his gaze. “How?”
“Darcie told me last night.”
“She said she ran into you for like ten minutes. I’m surprised she told you about Jim at all.” Jag squeezed his paper mug and tossed it into the garbage.
“I was still at the docks when she got back from your parents’ house.”
“Really. And what happened?”
“Nothing,” Reid said. “She and I just needed to clear the air. I wanted to apologize. That’s it.”
Jag stood and adjusted his pants, looping his fingers into his weapons belt. “Do you still love my sister?”
“Interesting question when you’re standing in cop mode, presenting your gun as if I’m being interrogated.” In order to level the playing field, Reid hopped to his feet.
“It’s just a simple question.”
“That has a complicated answer. And a man who’s had his heart crushed by the woman he loves more than life itself should understand that.”
“I guess I have my answer.” Jag smiled. “The one thing my family, especially my father, doesn’t understand about Darcie is that she’s not running or chasing anything. While they are all trying to figure out what it is she wants. Or why she wants it. And suffocating her while doing it. She’s living the dream, only no one who matters to her ever gave her permission to enjoy it.”
Reid opened his mouth. Nothing but a gasp came out. He closed it and tried again. “That was profound and kind of beautifully said.”
“I’m married to a writer, who has me read and write with her these days. I find myself saying weird shit all the time. But even I didn’t get it until my father said something last night about Darcie, and it hit me that we’re all asking her to conform to whatwethink, and no one is listening to whatshethinks. She always used to say being the baby sucked because everyone knew things before she did. She hated it when any of us said something likeyou just wait until you’re my age.”
“Try being twelve years older and her boyfriend and say something like that.” Reid palmed his coffee mug. “She’s always felt like she had to fight to be seen, heard, and respected in anything she’s ever done.”
A young couple, who were barely awake, and their two toddlers, who were bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, entered the breakfast area. The young mother mumbled something about birth control and caffeine, while the father waggled a finger at the kids and pretended to scold them.
When he was Darcie’s age, or even Jag’s age, Reid didn’t think he wanted a wife, let alone kids. He didn’t want to settle down. He liked jet-setting from one whirlwind adventure to the next.
And then he went and fell in love with Erin. She was a bright soul with dark demons. However, she made him want to be a better version of himself, and if she could have gotten a handle on her emotional and mental issues, well, he really didn’t know. Because she wasn’t here anymore.
But Darcie was flesh and blood, and she’d turned his world upside down and shook him to the core. He went from wanting to be thrown from a rocket as a human bullet to sitting on a front porch with a puppy, a newspaper, and maybe, just maybe, a little boy or girl playing in the front yard. And then she’d walked out of his life, and she’d taken the image with her.
“I know. As her big brother, it pains me to see her struggle like that and not be able to drop-kick her so she gets that she’s her own worst enemy.”
“Sometimes we have to figure that one out for ourselves.” Reid scratched the back of his head. He’d stood in the way of himself for years after Erin died. He couldn’t open himself up because he always worried that once he peeled back a layer, he’d find the ugly demons.
But everyone had a past.
Baggage.
He’d learned when he fell in love with Darcie that he hadn’t been afraid of losing someone again, but rather of not being able to save them. Because no matter what he did, he knew he never would have been able to fix Erin.
She knew it too, and in the end, she did what she believed—no, what sheknew—would end the suffering for everyone.
Darcie had been right, and in the beginning of their relationship, he used Erin’s death as a shield. And that had been a shitty thing to do. By the time he figured it out and tried to turn things around, it was too late. Darcie already had one foot out the door.
“What’s on your mind?” Jag asked.
“Just work stuff. I really shouldn’t be taking a three-day cruise. But my partner is still more like a twenty-year-old surfer dude than a grown-ass man.”
“I’ve heard Preston is a piece of work.” Jag glanced over his shoulder as the two toddlers knocked over a carton of milk. He covered his mouth. “I’m going to suck at being a father because I won’t be able to keep a straight face when my kid does stuff like that.”
“I’m sure you’ll be a great one. Thanks for stopping by. It was really good to see you.”
