Page 10 of The Wedding Driver
“That’s a topic to discuss.”
“That’s not very date like.”
“Maybe not,” Doug said. “But if there’s going to be a second, it puts her in a position to go into this with her eyes wide open.”
“But I’m also worried about my emotions over my past. I was so angry at my ex-wife for doing drugs in the house. I was filled with hatred for myself for even leaving Lisa alone with her mother. I knew I couldn’t trust her, yet I went out anyway. I still carry enormous guilt with me and it often eats at my ability to have deep interpersonal relationships. It’s why I’ve never dated and certainly why I haven’t asked Tonya out. She’s a special girl and she deserves the best.”
“I can’t imagine what you’ve been through,” Doug said. “Those had to have been some dark days.”
At least Doug didn’t try to tell Foster that it wasn’t his fault and that time would heal his wounds.
Neither was true.
“It has taken a lot of therapy to get me to this place and while I wouldn’t call myself happy, I’m not unhappy.”
“You exist.”
“That’s a good way to put it.” Foster shifted his gaze and sipped his drink. It felt good to talk with a friend about the things he saved for his therapist, who told him he needed to get out there and do some male bonding anyway.
This was a good start. He had thought about calling Gael, but he was married to Tonya’s sister and that might be mixing too much family. Besides, he thought Doug might understand his situation the best.
“I’ll be honest.” Doug leaned forward. “I can’t even wrap my brain around what you’ve gone through. When I try, tears fill my eyes, my heart hurts more than I’ve ever experienced in my entire life, and I have to stop. I want to go hug and kiss my kids until they tell me I’m suffocating them.”
“I think that’s normal for any parent.”
Doug tapped his chest. “Maybe, and I won’t pretend to have any idea of what I would do in your shoes because I can’t even walk in them. However, we both know there are others who do know what it’s like to be you. I’m no expert in grief. That said, I do know about loneliness and building walls to keep others out. That’s no way to live. I believe you owe it to yourself, and your daughter, to give this life a chance. To open your heart to Tonya and to be honest with her about what you’re thinking and feeling. Existing doesn’t do Lisa’s memory any favors and it’s only slowly killing your soul.”
That wasn’t the first time Foster had heard that. Victoria’s parents had been hammering that into his brain for years. So had his therapist, though she’d been nicer about it.
And then there was Foster’s mother. She desperately wanted him to climb out of his hermit shell.
“Okay. For argument’s sake, let’s say that tomorrow goes well and a second date happens. How did you go from being best friends with Stacey, to being her boyfriend during a time when you were under investigation for murder?”
“I jumped in with two feet and prayed her father didn’t kill me.”
Foster laughed. “You’ve got to have better advice for me than that.”
“It’s the honest truth,” Doug said. “Don’t overthink it, like you’re doing right now. Put one foot in front of the other and be yourself. She’s already invested, so she’s yours to lose.”
Foster let out a long breath. “That just made it worse.”
“You’re going to be fine. Tell her what’s going on in your mind and get yourself out of your head.” Doug glanced at his watch. “I better get going. The kids might be getting older, but bedtime is one of those things that can turn into a madhouse. The youngest wants to do what my twelve-year-old is doing, and my daughter is a little drama queen sometimes.”
“Thanks for stopping by. I appreciate the chat.”
“Anytime. You still plan on helping out on the Mason project next week, right?” Doug stood.
“Absolutely.”
Doug gave his shoulder a good squeeze before heading toward the path that led to the driveway.
Foster took out his cell and pulled up his favorites.
He had two.
His mother.
And Tonya.
