Page 29 of The Wedding Driver
“I was just going to pick him up to bring him back here. I guess he loaned his vehicle to his little brother or something. Anyway, I can let Caitlyn go get him. It might be good for both of us to have a little space right now.”
“I’ve got a little time.”
“Why don’t we go have a seat over there.” Jared pointed to a table off to the side of the main house near a summer kitchen.
Foster sipped his coffee and strolled down the path. His cell buzzed in his back pocket. He pulled it out and smiled.
Tonya:Is my landlord going to lecture you? Haha. Sorry. I glanced out the window while eating toast and saw you talking with Jared.
Foster:That’s funny. Just having a friendly manly chat. I didn’t want to be rude.
He took a seat and stared at a sailboat floating on the lake. The tall mast swung back and forth in the slight breeze. He should be uncomfortable. He didn’t like having any part of his life open for discussion. Being a private man was more important to him than having people in his life.
Somehow that concept had slowly shifted. He’d felt that change deep in his core over the last few years as he developed friendships with Tonya and her family and Doug and Jim, but he still managed to keep his walls up.
Tonya managed to knock it down in an instant and he found himself scrambling to try to rebuild it, only he wasn’t sure why.
Except he was utterly terrified of not being able to go the distance and that would destroy her.
“Sometimes I don’t understand Caitlyn,” Jared said as he pulled out a chair and sat down with a long sigh. “When I told her to take the truck, she was disappointed I wasn’t making the drive with her. We’re all spending the day together.”
“Perhaps she wanted to plead her case again, or maybe to apologize.”
“Maybe,” Jared said. “When Calvin first started wanting to date her last year, she was just graduating high school, and I wasn’t ready for her to fall in love, but that’s what was happening right in front of my eyes.”
“That has to be hard for you to admit.”
“It’s getting easier. Ryan keeps telling me she doesn’t believe Calvin is going anywhere and that I need to get used to him being part of this family, so that’s what I’m doing. It does help that from the moment I met him, I had a good feeling about him and I trust my gut.” He leaned forward, resting his hands on the table. “We’ve known each other for a long time, but we don’t know each other well.”
Foster couldn’t argue that point. “I don’t put myself out there.”
“I know and I respected your space after the fire because, while my story is so different, I experienced the same loss.”
That was information that Foster hadn’t heard. Not that he listened to gossip, mostly because he didn’t talk to anyone. “What do you mean?”
“A very long time ago, I was married to someone else. It didn’t last very long. We got divorced, in part because my ex-wife thought I paid more attention to Ryan, who lived in my carriage house, but there were a million other reasons. She left me to take care of our infant son, Johnny. At the time, I wasn’t equipped to be father, much less a single one. When he died, I blamed myself.”
“I had no idea.” Foster’s heart dropped to the pit of his stomach. This was the kind of pain that no matter what anyone did, you just didn’t get past it. It lived in the center of your soul for as long as you lived. “I’m so sorry. How did he die?”
“Unknown cause. It happened in his sleep. I was devastated and for a long time, I kept people away, including Ryan. I was even going to sell this house and move across the state. But then a series of events happened and things changed between Ryan and me. I found that all I had been doing was holding on to the pain of what I’d lost, instead of letting it flow through me so I could come out the other side.” Jared swiped at his eyes. “Don’t get me wrong. When I think of him or allow myself to travel back in time, I live it all again. It’s been two decades and the pain still cuts right through my heart.” He tapped his chest. Tears welled. “But allowing love back in gave me reason to live my life to the fullest instead of torturing myself as if that was what I deserved. I might be overstepping, which my wife tells me I do all the time; however, when I see you, it’s like looking in a mirror.”
That was heavy. Deep. And maybe too much this early in the morning. Foster appreciated Jared’s heartfelt honesty. Not many people would be so brutal with their truth. A couple of months ago, Foster would have stood, thanked Jared, and left. However, one of the things he was working on in therapy was letting people in, especially those whom he shared a common bond.
He certainly had that with Jared.
“A piece of me died that night,” Foster managed. His throat was dry, but his lukewarm coffee didn’t suffice.
“I felt the same way. But it’s not true. We’re both hardened and we both understand how easily our loved ones can be taken from us, which is why I didn’t allow anyone in for the longest time. Even when I was falling hard for Ryan, I still continued with my move to Rochester. I told myself she was too young for me. That it was a goodbye thing. That all I was going to do was break her heart because I couldn’t give her what she wanted most. A family.”
Yeah. That was about right. Foster nodded in agreement. No point in lying to a man who bared his soul.
“Do you want to know what I learned, besides the fact that I’m a stubborn fool?”
Foster laughed. “Sure.”
“It wasn’t Ryan’s heart I was afraid of hurting, but my own.” Jared arched a brow. “I held on to my loss like a badge of honor. The way I blamed myself allowed me to push people away so I never had to feel that kind of pain again. I didn’t know that’s what I was doing until I got in my car and drove away, leaving behind the only woman I ever truly loved. It was that moment I understood what I’d been doing. I believe, if you look closely, you’re in the same boat.” He glanced over his shoulder. “I’m glad to see you here, but I can see the conflict in your eyes. Take it from this old man, don’t fight it. I know that’s the first instinct. You tell yourself that it’s best to cut and run. Because you’re a good man, you don’t want to hurt Tonya and I can appreciate that thinking, but at the end of the day, you’re not doing either one of you any favors.”
Foster blew out a puff of air and leaned back in his chair. He contemplated every single word Jared shared. He took a few moments to gather his thoughts. “I honestly don’t know if I can do this and it’s not fair to her,” he finally admitted. Jared had been real with him, so it was time for Foster to be real with someone else. His therapist would be proud. Two male bonding experiences in one week and a sexual encounter with a woman he truly cared about. It was surreal. “When I’m with Tonya, everything changes. It’s been like that for a while, but I’ve never acted on it. I probably never would have had she not put it out there. I was content with the way my life was. I know I had issues, but I’ve been working on them.”
