Page 42 of The Wedding Driver
He let out a long sigh. “We need to talk.”
“I don’t like the sound of that. I think I need a drink.” She slipped from the cab of the truck and strolled across the path. She tapped the keypad and unlocked the door, Foster one step behind. “Can I get you one?”
“If you’ve got bourbon, that would be great.”
“Sounds like this is a serious chat.” She pulled down a glass and handed him a bottle of whiskey while she poured herself a tall glass of red wine and made herself comfortable on the sofa. “You’re a good man for doing all you do for Victoria. However, I don’t think she will be in that alleyway in the morning.” Instead of letting him discuss whatever was on his mind, she decided on the art of deflection. “I’m not a doctor, but that infection was the worst thing I’ve ever seen.”
“That’s probably not even the worst of her problems.” Foster lifted the drink to his lips and downed half of it before setting it on the coffee table. “She’s going to disappear and I feel like it will be my fault.”
“No.” She placed her hand on his thigh and squeezed. Anything to feel close to him, because she could feel him slipping away.
“When she finally reappears, she’ll tell me she left because of me. It’s always about something I did.”
“You’re her scapegoat. You’re a convenient way for her not to take responsibility for her life. She’s been guilt-tripping you for years.” Tonya had never voiced her real feelings about Victoria before. She didn’t feel it was her place. She still didn’t. However, he brought it up and she felt as though she had nothing to lose. She’d put her heart on the line when it came to Foster. He knew how she felt; whatever happened now was out of her control. There was no reason for her to be anything other than honest with him, about everything.
“You sound like my therapist,” he said.
“This isn’t any of my business, but I never knew you saw one.”
He lifted his arm and rested it on the back of the couch. “It’s not something you drop in casual conversation.”
“How long have you been going?”
“Shortly after Victoria went to jail, I struggled with wanting to understand addiction and how anyone could put a substance before their family. It didn’t work out so well. Ever since then, I’ve tried to work through my grief. It’s been a long, slow process.”
“Everyone deals with loss differently.” Her mind immediately went to her father and her grandfather. The death of her uncle put a darkness in both their souls. There were so many things that made them sad. Or brought them back to that time and place. They never got over that pain, but they had learned to live through it in a way that it didn’t affect their relationships or the quality of their lives. It wasn’t easy and there were moments when the tears came hot and fast.
Her father often had to get up, walk away, and collect himself. Sometimes it wasn’t any one thing that set him off. The blue sky could remind him of his brother, the love he had for him, and all the memories they didn’t have the opportunity to share.
“Did you know that Jared was married before Ryan and that he lost a son?”
“I did,” Tonya said. “He doesn’t talk much about it. However, he and my grandpa bonded at the cemetery since my uncle is buried a few plots away. There have been times when Jared has picked up my grandfather and taken him so they can sit there and chat, father to father.”
Foster laced his fingers through hers and rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. The gesture surprised her, considering what she thought was coming. “That’s really sweet.”
“Jared’s a good man. A little complicated. Definitely way too old-fashioned for a man not quite sixty.”
“I wonder when he’s going to retire,” Foster said. “He’s not that old. His youngest is what? Fifteen? But I don’t think he has to work and his job can be dangerous. That has to be hard on his wife and kids.”
Tonya sipped her wine. She stretched out her legs and stared at the ceiling. “It’s the only life they’ve ever known. Besides, Jared spends more time managing people than he does on patrol, with the exception of summers. He does like to be out on the water, so he does give himself some shifts there. You’d think there would be some animosity with those who have worked for him forever, wanting to move up the ranks, but there isn’t. And there is very little turnover. Stacey, Frank, and Tristen have all been with him forever. Those who have left are no longer state troopers, but still live in the area, like Jake and Josh. They just do other things.”
“Jake’s the one who owns the horse farm, right?”
“That’s right. And Josh’s wife—you’ve met her—is an author with Lake’s publishing house. He retired after being shot a few years ago and now works as a PI for Katie and Jackson.”
“Still dangerous, especially when you have kids,” Foster said.
Tonya shifted her gaze. “You seem to be hooked on the kid and a job that has risks.”
He took her chin with this thumb and forefinger. “Things have moved quickly with us. Maybe too quickly.”
“We talked about this earlier. I thought we were good. Why did seeing Victoria change things?” The fact that Tonya even voiced her thoughts surprised her because she’d let them fester in her gut in the past. She knew he wanted to give their relationship a real shot; however, there was something in his head—or his heart—that prevented him from giving his whole soul and it was all connected to his past. “You told me that you had feelings for me long before this started. I’m struggling to comprehend why you keep pulling away every time something emotional happens.”
“It’s not so much that as I’m constantly reminded of one thing.” He dropped his hand to his lap. “I do really care for you. For the last year or so, I’ve tried not to. I’ve kept you in the friend zone because you mean a lot to me. But also, I don’t want to have more children and I know that’s something that’s important to you.”
She opened her mouth to say something, but he pressed his finger over her lips. “My conversation with Jared had me doing a lot of soul-searching this week and I thought maybe I could move forward with us. That maybe as time passed I would change my mind or you’d be okay with not having children. But that’s not fair to either of us, especially when I know this is a deal breaker on both sides.”
Tears welled in her eyes. He was right. Living her life without a child wasn’t something she thought she could do. She’d always wanted to have kids. There were couples who couldn’t have children, but that wasn’t by choice. They tried to have them, did everything in their power, but it wasn’t in the cards.
