Page 52 of The Wedding Driver
“Who’s Marge?”
“My therapist,” Foster said. “When I first started seeing her, it was all about learning to be grateful I was still vertical because I wanted to trade places with Lisa. I just knew that wasn’t something that was possible. Since then, it’s been about letting go of the past. Marge believes it’s all about letting go of my sense of responsibility for Victoria.”
“I don’t see you ever doing that and I went looking for her today. I came up with nothing.”
“That was kind of you. I went to Saratoga and couldn’t find her there either,” Foster said. “You’re right. I’m not sure I can completely forget about Victoria. I should. There are moments when the rage bubbles up and I don’t understand why I help her, and then I think about Lisa. It’s how I honor her memory.”
“There are other ways you can do that.” Tonya sucked in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “You read the doctor’s report. Victoria’s hard living is going to cut her life short. What are you going to do when she’s gone?” Tonya lifted her thumb to her mouth and chewed on her nail. This wasn’t her business. This wasn’t why he showed up with flowers.
But it was part of the problem.
“That’s something I’ve been thinking a lot about the last twenty-four hours, along with some other things.” He stood, lifted his chair, moved it to face her, and took her hands. “Outside of Victoria and Kathy and a few random girlfriends before my first wife, I don’t have a clue about relationships. I don’t know what it’s like to be in love. All I know is I’ve never felt this way about another woman. It’s terrifying and at the same time, it’s exciting. That combination puts me in a weird headspace, and I keep pulling you in and pushing you away. I don’t want to do that anymore.”
“That’s great. Only there’s still one big problem.”
“Kids,” he said before she got the chance.
“Exactly. You’re right. That is something that I’m not willing to negotiate on. Not for anyone. Not even you.” She palmed his cheek.
“Here’s the thing. My reason for not wanting a child is based in the same fear for not wanting to be with you and that’s completely changed. I want this relationship to work. I’m more scared of the idea of losing you than I am of what it would mean to have a kid.” He pressed his finger over her lips. “Most normal couples aren’t discussing whether or not they’re going to have kids together the first month into their dating.”
“It’s something that people put out there to know if they are compatible.”
He nodded. “Let me put it to you this way. It’s not off the table, but I thought maybe you could come with me to one of my therapy sessions sometime. We could talk about it.”
Her jaw slacked open. A weird noise escaped her lips. “Excuse me? Did you just ask me to go to couples’ therapy?”
He tossed his head back and laughed. “Not exactly. If you’re not comfortable, I understand.”
“I didn’t say that. It’s just that asking someone to do something like that speaks commitment.”
Leaning in, he took her chin with his thumb and forefinger. He brushed his lips over her mouth in a sweet, slow kiss. “There are no guarantees. I’m not making any major promises. Only that I want to be with you and I’m willing to have the tough discussions.”
Tears welled in her eyes. “You could still come to the conclusion you don’t want children.”
“The fact that I’m sitting here with you, begging you to take me back, I think it’s safe to say that I’m leaning toward being okay with the idea.” He dropped his forehead to hers and sighed. “No risk. No reward.”
“It’s mean to quote my grandfather to me in a situation like this.” She snagged her glass and stood. “I must be crazy.”
“Why?”
“Grab the wine,” she said. “Let’s go to bed.”
“Are you inviting me to stay?’ He jumped to his feet and stumbled a little, nearly falling over as he collected the rest of their things.
“I’m not going to repeat myself, Foster.” She took long strides as she headed up the path. This could completely blow up in her face. However, she couldn’t say no the moment he asked her to meet his therapist.
14
Foster stretched. He hadn’t slept that good in days. Weeks. Maybe even years. He was used to having haunting dreams that disturbed him to the point he was thankful for the jolt that woke him.
He rolled, reaching for Tonya, but she wasn’t in bed. He found his cell on the nightstand. Six in the morning. He sighed. He needed to be at the Mason site by eight, and then he had five wedding rides.
A busy Saturday to say the least.
He should also go looking for Victoria.
But he was tired of being her keeper. He tapped the center of his chest. Marge had told him a dozen times that he’d kept his promise to Lisa. That there was only so much that he could do. He agreed. Victoria had given up on living a long time ago. He could keep telling himself that this time would be different. However, it was up to Victoria, and she spat in his face each and every time. He wasn’t the person to help her.
