Page 16 of Before the Storm
“You don’t want that?”
He shifted, turning his gaze toward the horizon. “I can’t say that I have. My folks believe it’s because of the girls I tend to date. My brothers think I’m afraid of commitment.”
“What do you believe?” She needed to stop asking questions. This wasn’t like her at all. She was the kind of woman who didn’t speak unless spoken to. That was something she carried from her past. She didn’t get close to people because she was never going to stay anywhere too long and even though she planned on staying in this place longer, she still needed to keep a safe distance.
“That’s a good question and one that I have no answer for anymore.” He pushed from the railing and eased into the chairnext to her. “For years it was because I didn’t have time. I was focused on my career in the Army. I was deployed so much it wouldn’t be fair to anyone I was with. My mom said that was an excuse because she and my dad always made it work, which is true. I had a great childhood even though my dad was gone a lot and my mom’s job was demanding as hell.”
“Can I ask you a question?”
He burst out laughing. “That’s all you’ve been doing, but sure. Go ahead.”
She took a sip of courage. “Did you join the Army because that’s what you were expected to do?”
“God, no,” he said. “My parents discouraged it to a point. They didn’t want us boys to sign up because it was the only life we knew. But I have no regrets. I loved my career. Working with my dad and brothers and even my mom on some missions. It was a great life. I’d do it all over again if given the opportunity.”
She wished she could say the same.
The only thing she would repeat was leaving.
He lifted his chair, turning it to face her. “What about you? This might be a big assumption on my part, but I take it you’re single.”
“Very much so,” she said with a nervous laugh.
“Do you want to get married someday? Have kids?”
A flash of her past filled her brain. It was one of the most painful memories of her life. At the time, she thought having a baby would give her something to connect with. Something to love. Someone to give her purpose in a world that no longer made sense.
But that baby had never cried and both her husband and father had told her that child’s death had been God’s punishment.
She swallowed. Hard. “I don’t know.”
“Nothing wrong with that.” He tapped his glass against hers. “So many people are hyper-focused on doing what they believe they’re supposed to do instead of figuring out what they really want. I’ve been envious of my brothers for knowing they’ve always wanted a family. The only thing I’ve ever always known I wanted is to be close to Maverick and Nelson. They and my parents mean everything to me. I’ve got that. But now I find myself at a crossroads. Maybe it’s my age. Maybe it’s maturity. Or maybe it’s finally being settled in one place. I have no idea. However, I do know I’m selfish. I like my space. I don’t mind living alone. I’m just starting to feel like there might be more. Like something is missing.” He shook his head. “This conversation went deep.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.”
He patted her forearm. “No. It’s okay. It’s nice. I don’t normally talk about stuff like this. Not even to my brothers all that much these days, especially because they are always offering to set me up on dates and after my last couple experiences, I’m happy to sit back and let life happen on its terms.” He leaned to the side and pulled out his cell. He rolled his eyes and audibly groaned.
“What’s the… never mind. Not my business.”
“It’s about to be.” He stood. “Pam is at the door.” He waved his cell phone. “This might get awkward.”
“Why?”
“You’re about to find out.”
This was getting fucking ridiculous.
Phoenix stomped through the living room. Ever since he’d told Pam there was no chance and to keep things strictlyprofessional, she’d done the complete opposite. She wasn’t too bad at work, but she would stop in the office and drop hints at when she would be alone at her place. Or ask when his next night off would be. She’d always be hush-hush about it, as if that was what he wanted.
And then the text messages.
Those were the worst.
He responded a couple of times, asking her not to text him because it was inappropriate.
She took that as she should call.
He didn’t answer.
