Page 5 of Before the Storm
“Come on, man. What’s going on? Why won’t you confide in me?”
Shit. Time to rip off the fucking Band-Aid. Phoenix hadn’t wanted to do this, but he knew if one of his brothers pushed him hard enough or called him out point-blank, he’d spill the beans. He’d have to. They meant the world to him and he wouldn’t bullshit them. “I don’t want you to feel bad or think I’m jealous, because I’m not. It’s just that everything has changed. Honestly, for the better. I’m truly happy for you and Nelson.” He pointed to one of the windows to the restaurant's main room where Ashley had perched herself at the bar, waiting patiently for her and her daddy’s food. “Those kids are amazing and I love spending time with them. Hensley and Brandi are two of the best women outside Mom I know. But all of that has changed the dynamics between the three of us and I need to figure out my new normal.” He shrugged.
“That doesn’t explain your lack of dating.” Maverick tilted his head. “Did something happen that we all missed?”
“God, no,” Phoenix said. “I got bored. And frankly, tired of being called the last good catch in our family.”
“Seriously?”
“Oh yeah. The last girl I dated was super excited to be with the last available Snow brother. It was weird.”
Maverick laughed. “I’m sorry. That’s not funny.”
“Trust me, it’s hilarious,” Phoenix said. “Look. I get that outside of family gatherings, I’ve been acting differently. I’m just responding to changes in the family and finding my place.”
“Can I ask you a question about dating without you getting pissed?”
“Sure.”
“Are you bored because you’re tired of playing the game and would like to settle down finally?”
“Now you sound like Mom.” Phoenix had spent the entire winter contemplating that question. He saw how happy his brothers were and wondered if there was something to a life partner. Only, he’d never felt anything particularly special with any one person. It was always about living in the moment. Having a good time. His focus had always been his career in the military.
After that, opening Blue Moon with his brothers.
Now that they had families, Phoenix had to admit, he felt a little lost.
“I don’t mean to. But I have noticed you’re a little withdrawn lately. Nelson’s noticed it too,” Maverick said. “I’m checking in. No different than what you did with me so many times.”
“That’s fair and reasonable.” There hadn’t been a time in Phoenix’s life where he and his brothers hadn’t been in tune with each other. His brothers—and his parents—were his lifeline. If he could, he’d walk on water for them, and they would do the same. He appreciated that his brothers had given him space andcared enough to say something. “But I’m fine. Just trying to figure out what I want to do.”
“Hensley has a few single friends. One of them she’s dying to fix you up with.”
“Yeah, I’m well aware.” He downed his last sip of coffee. “But no, thank you.”
“Why not?”
“Because she’s looking to set me up with someone in a forever way and while I’m re-evaluating some things in my life, I still don’t believe I’m cut out for that and I wouldn’t want to be the guy who hurt one of Hensley’s besties.”
“Why are you hell-bent on being alone?” Maverick held up his hand. “The last time we had a real conversation about you and long-term commitment, all you had to say was that you had no desire to be married. That was a much different answer from when we were younger and deployed all the time.”
Phoenix had no idea how to explain his emotions because he didn’t completely understand them. The only thing he knew for sure was that he’d never been in love. He had no idea what that felt like. Only what it looked like. He couldn’t say he was afraid of being in love with a woman or the responsibility that brought. However, he did like the freedom to come and go whenever he pleased. That would change if he had a steady person. He would have to think about someone else’s feelings and he could be an incredibly selfish human.
“It’s not that,” Phoenix said. If there was anyone he could be totally raw with, it was his brothers. He didn’t open up as often lately. Not because he didn’t want to, but because they had other responsibilities and he didn’t want to add to that burden. “I’m finding myself at a crossroads. I’m feeling grounded. This is home and we’ve never had roots firmly planted.” He waved his hand toward the lake. “I can’t imagine living anywhere else. Ever.”
“Neither can I.”
“I’ve dated so many different types of women. All walks of life, from the sophisticated businesswoman to biker chicks. Skinny girls to heavyset ladies. Blondes, brunettes, redheads. Tall, short, and everything between. I don’t have a type. If I ever did consider looking for something more, I wouldn’t even know where to begin.”
“That’s the best bullshit I’ve ever heard.” Maverick shook his head. “A type isn’t always about looks.” He placed his hand over his chest. “They’re about what’s in the heart and you, little brother, most certainly have a type when it comes to that.”
“Oh really. This I have to hear.”
Maverick smiled. It was wide and kid-like. As if he’d walked into a toy store with Mom and Dad’s credit card and been told he could max it out. “You like a woman with a quiet soul. Someone who likes reading. Sitting by a fire and enjoying a good sunrise or sunset. Someone who likes outdoor things. You’d want a person who isn’t needy but needs you. A person who can take care of themselves but is willing to be vulnerable and capable of asking for help. But you need a person who understands that your family is a package deal.” Maverick put his hand up. “The problem is, you’ve only dated girls who fall into two categories. Emotionally unavailable or clingy as fuck.”
Phoenix couldn’t deny that last statement. It was as if he went from one extreme to the next, always believing he preferred the woman who kept her distance, but never feeling as though there was anything but decent sex.
That wasn’t enough to sustain even a fling for more than a few weeks or months.
