Page 24 of Rex's Honor
“What changed your mind?”
“I’m tired of running from the past. Of being angry at all of you. Don’t get me wrong, I still struggle with it. I have a million resentments. I’m not over some of them. But for the sake of Mom, I can move past them and begin to mend fences.”
“Of all my kids, you’ve always been the most sensitive and the first to put up walls. When all this happened, I told your mother to give you space, and she warned me that if we gave you too much, you’d be lost to us forever.”
“Yeah, but if you had pushed me too hard, I would have gone farther away than joining the Air Force.” He raised his glass and took a hearty sip. “There was no winning with me in this situation. I found Mom and Tilly’s dad together. It’s a vision I will never get out of my head. But what made it worse was Mom trying to explain it away. As if my eyes had deceived me. And then she begged me not to tell you.”
“It was a terrible position for her to put you in. No doubt. I wish you hadn’t found out, but you have to understand, I already knew.”
“That doesn’t make me feel any better, Dad.” Rex shifted in his seat. “And when you told me that after you moved out of the house, it only served to piss me off even more.”
“What I’m about to share might ruin what little relationship we have left, but I feel at this point, there are things that might help you understand mine and your mother’s dynamic at the time a little better.”
“I’m really not sure I want to hear this.”
“Look. The one thing your mom always gave me kudos for was being a good dad. But she thought I was a shit husband. And that’s a true statement. I was so wrapped up in making my millions that I neglected her and our marriage. I would go on business trips, leaving her home to deal with the children. When I would come home, my focus was on playing golf and hanging with you kids. We didn’t do date nights. She was lonely.”
“That’s no excuse to have an affair.”
“You’re right, it’s not. But she wasn’t the only one.” His father arched a brow.
“Excuse me?” Rex aggressively set his glass down on the counter. “You stepped out on Mom? With whom?” He waved his hand. “Never mind. I don’t want to know.”
“It wasn’t with anyone you kids would have known. And sadly, there was more than one woman. I’m not proud. Actually, I’m mortified and ashamed of my actions. I came from nothing and here I was, a self-made man, playing with the big boys. I’d go on these trips, and women—well, they’d be available.”
“Jesus, Dad. You’re right. I don’t want to hear this.” Rex ran a hand over his face. “Did Mom know?”
“Not at first. But something in me switched. Guilt ate me alive. I had the perfect life and I was pissing it away. I thoughtif I changed, I could make things right. I started traveling less. Playing less golf. But it was too late. The damage in my marriage was already done. All your mother and I did was argue. We’d fight over money. Over you kids. Hell, we fought over how I parked my damn sports car in the garage. Honestly, I blamed myself for her affair.”
Rex lifted his drink and took a big gulp. “Not your fault, but damn, you and Mom knew how to put on a good show. Everyone thought you two had the perfect everything.”
“That’s money talking,” his dad said. “We decided to wait to separate until all of you were out of college. We thought it would be less traumatizing. But it was getting harder and harder to play the game. The reality is, we should have divorced when you were in middle school. That’s on us, not you.”
Rex wasn’t sure what to do with all this information. He allowed his mind to pull up memories from his childhood and if he was being honest, he could see his parents’ misery. The coldness that lived in his house. It was never directed at him. Both his folks showered him with love. Genuine, honest love.
But they didn’t do that with each other.
“Can I ask you something?” Rex said.
“Of course.”
“Are you happy now?”
“Not completely, no. You cutting us all off has taken a toll on that.” His father held up a hand. “I don’t blame you for that, and I can’t imagine what it must have been like for you, but the pain of knowing your son is a phone call away, and he won’t answer, well, that has hurt. A lot.”
“But you lived your life. Got remarried.”
“And look at you,” his father said with a wave of his hand. “You’ve become a mighty fine man, but are you happy?”
He sipped his drink, letting the burn of the alcohol glide across his throat. “I’m not unhappy.”
His father let out a short laugh. “That’s a nonanswer.”
“It’s the same one you gave.”
“Not exactly,” his father said. “I love my wife. We have a good life together. We enjoy golfing. Boating. Fishing. She’s been so good to your mom. Your siblings. My grandkids. But every day I wake up and think about the son who was hurt in the worst way and it kills me that no matter what I’ve tried to make it right, you’ve stayed away. If I had told you about the kind of man I was when you were little, would that have changed things?”
“It might have made things worse. I might have resented you as much as I resented her,” Rex admitted. “I’d honestly like to leave the past in the rearview. I’m here now. I can’t promise you that I won’t get angry or that things won’t bubble to the surface, but I’m committed to making things right. I don’t want to live this way anymore. I’ve come to understand that it’s not worth holding on to this grudge any longer.”
