Page 22 of Her Majesty's Necromancer
"I'm ready," I said, planting my feet on the floorboards to steady my stance.
"I thought we'd try something different today." He nodded at the sideboard and table, pushed up against the wall and covered by dust sheets. On the table, a long knife, short one, and a club had been set out. "Choose a weapon."
"I thought you said I wasn't ready for weapons training."
"We have to start at some point. Inspect the weapons and tell me which one you want to use, but do not pick any up."
"Why not?"
"Don't ask questions."
I crossed the room and inspected the three weapons then turned back to him. "Does Cook know—"
I heard the dust cover flap in the moment before something slammed into my back and a set of arms gripped me round the waist from behind. The warning didn't give me enough time to turn to fight my attacker—Seth, I assumed—but I was able to position my arms so that he couldn't pin them too. Then I jabbed my elbow into his ribs, stomped on his toe, and threw back a punch that had the fortune to hit his groin.
He let me go and I spun round. He was too busy clutching himself and going deathly pale to counter my attack, so instead of attempting to gouge his eyes out, I simply placed my hand over his face.
"I win," I told him, fighting to keep my grin under control. "Are you all right?"
He squeaked a response that I didn't understand.
"Sorry," I said. "If you'd come out from your hiding place more quietly, I wouldn't have had time to react."
"Good," Lincoln said, joining us. "But you should have grabbed the weapons while he was incapacitated then fled."
"You said not to pick up the weapons. I was following orders."
"My orders are irrelevant in the event of an attack. You must do everything you can to escape, and if that means defying me, then I give you my permission."
"How gracious of you." I clutched Seth's shoulder. A little color had returned to his cheeks, but he still looked in some pain. "I didn't think I hit you that hard. I couldn't muster as much strength as I would have if I were facing you."
"It's the most sensitive area on the male body," Lincoln said. "Remember that, aim for it, then run if you can. Your primary goal is to get away from your attacker, not defeat him."
Seth rubbed his crotch and finally released his nether regions. "Jesus, Charlie, not so hard next time. I might need it later tonight."
"I am sorry." I bit my lip and glanced at his crotch. "I hope it still works."
"So do I!"
"And so does your lady friend, I'm sure." I grinned and he managed a wobbly smile in return.
"Leave us," Lincoln growled at Seth.
The poor man walked gingerly from the ballroom. "I haven't done any permanent damage, have I?" I asked Lincoln once Seth was out of earshot.
"Unlikely."
"Good. I'd hate to deprive the ladies of their favorite pastime."
He narrowed his gaze at me.
"That was a joke," I said.
"Young ladies shouldn't make such crude jokes."
"I'm hardly a lady, and that's tame compared to what I used to say." Fitting in with gangs of boys required far cruder jokes than that. "Will you allow me to help you investigate now?"
"I will consider it."
