Page 81 of Her Majesty's Necromancer
"I said, get out." The sharp edge to his voice cut through me, and Lady Harcourt too, it would seem. She paled even further and stepped around him, keeping her distance.
"I see that I'm in the way here," she said from the door. "Charlie, remember my promise to you."
She didn't want me to tell him? Even now that we'd been caught in the act? But that wasn't fair! I watched her rush out with a sinking heart. She did want me to lie to him. If I didn't, she would tell him about my betrayal at the General Registry Office.
I wasn't so sure it mattered anymore. If he knew about this, then he might as well know about the other. What was one more? From the quiet rage turning his knuckles white and his eyes impossibly dark, I already knew I was condemned.
"Let me go!" Gurry's spirit cried. "I don't wish to see him anymore! Release me!"
"You are released," I said, heavily. "Go away."
The spirit mist sank through the floorboards and out of sight. I was truly alone with Lincoln now, and I wished I could be anywhere else but there.
"Will my apology be enough?" I mumbled. I couldn't bring myself to look at him.
It was a long time before he spoke. I thought he might walk out, or do the opposite and approach; perhaps shake me. But he simply remained near the door, and I had no sense of what he might be thinking.
"What did you learn?" His voice was quiet, but the steely edge was still there, albeit a little tarnished.
"That he beat you." I dared to glance at him, but his face gave nothing away. "And that you had a reason for killing him."
"And that reason?"
"He didn't say. He claimed he got rid of a distraction to your studies."
His nostrils flared. "A distraction."
"Will you tell me what it was?"
Another long pause, and then, "Not today."
I swallowed. Did that mean he would one day? Did that mean he wasn't throwing me out? "I'm sorry, Mr. Fitzroy. I truly am. I don't expect your forgiveness—"
"Good."
That quietly spoken word was enough to shatter my nerves. Hot tears streamed down my cheeks and my chin wobbled. I dashed away the tears with the back of my hand, but he saw them. He folded his arms over his chest and tucked his hands out of sight.
"Tell me why you did it," he said. "Did she coerce you somehow?"
I nodded but stopped. It wasn't entirely fair to lay all the blame at Lady Harcourt's feet. I had got myself into the situation by betraying Lincoln at the General Registry Office, and I had not refused her request. I could have. I should have. "Yes, and no."
He spun round and jerked the door open. "I would have told you what you wanted to know," he said over his shoulder.
"I already asked you," I shot back. "You refused to answer."
"I wasn't ready then. But in time…" He strode out the door and shut it, leaving me alone with my thoughts and misery.
I doubted he would he ever confide in me now. Whatever connection there had been between us was utterly broken, and I wasn't sure it could be mended.
CHAPTER 14
I remained in my rooms for the rest of the day and evening. I couldn't face the others, even though I knew Lincoln wouldn't be among them. Either he'd gone out or he kept to his rooms. At every creak of the floorboards outside, every groan of the settling house, I lifted my head from my pillow and held my breath. But no one came to my door. Perhaps he wasn't going to throw me out, after all.
The longer I dwelled on it, the more I came to realize he wouldn't do that. He wasn't petty. Yet I knew we couldn't go on as we were. I'd crossed a line, and there was no going back. Nothing would be the same. He would never confide in me again, never take me with him to investigate a ministry matter, never simply sit in the library and read alongside me. He might even stop my training. He would treat me as a maid.
I could cope with the change between us. I must. Lichfield was my home, and I didn't want to leave it, or Seth, Gus and Cook. Or him.
I drifted off to sleep but awoke with a start sometime in the middle of the night. I'd had a dream about the pendant I'd found in his room with the blue eye inscribed on it. That eye had stared back at me in the dream, then winked.
