Page 57 of The Warrior Priest
I stood beside the table, arms crossed, and glared down at her. “Why didn’t you deliver my note to Rhys?”
She sat back with a heavy sigh. “You’ve seen him?”
“His friends. He thought I’d died or been abducted, because he never received my note. You told me you’d delivered it. Why did you lie?
She put up her hands in surrender. “I’m sorry. I truly am. I know it hurt him, but it’s kinder in the long run to let him think you were dead.”
“How is it a kindness?”
“Because death is an ending. He needed closure or he’d never move on.”
“That’s bollocks. You did it for selfish reasons. You knew he’d try to talk me out of going with you, so you wanted to avoid us meeting before I left.”
She stood and reached for my shoulders, but I stepped back. “That’s not true, Jac. I’ve known Rhys a long time, and I could see that he cared enough about you to not be able to stay away, but not enough to leave the order for you. If he knew you were still alive, he’d always be doubting his choice to stay in the order, always wondering if he made the right decision. By letting him think you’d died or didn’t care enough to tell him you were going, I removed that choice and self-doubt. I know you feel as though I betrayed you, but if you set aside your hurt feelings for a moment and think about it, you’ll agree it was in his best interests. Yours, too.”
“He’s about to find out I’m alive and well.”
“They’re going to tell him? Fools. I suppose it’s too late to stop them.”
“Probably.”
She pulled out the chair beside hers. “Have a drink with me. I don’t feel up to arguing with you, but I could do with some company.”
She did look rather miserable. I signaled to the serving woman, then sat. “How is your friend?”
Giselle gave me a sad smile. “It was hard to see her. Knowing death is coming made every moment together feel important, special.”
I accepted the tankard from the server. “I remember when my mother was dying. The fever took her quickly, but not so fast that we didn’t have time for final goodbyes. I was grateful for that.”
“Was she sad to die?”
“She was worried about leaving me, but not sad for herself. She believed she would be reunited with my father in the afterlife.”
“You don’t believe in religion, do you?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s a comfort to think there’s something more after death, but I find it hard to believe that gods and goddesses have any influence over our lives.”
“That’s why I don’t believe at all. It’s too fanciful for me. I’m a pragmatic person.”
“So I noticed,” I said wryly.
“You and Rhys could never have had a future together, even if he left the order for you. He believes every word they teach in the temples.” She saluted me with her tankard. “But you’re more like me, Jac. We don’t have a spiritual bone in our bodies.”
I raised my tankard, too, but the bitter taste her words left in my mouth affected my enjoyment of the ale. Giselle didn’t know me as well as she thought she did.
I drank quickly then said goodnight before heading upstairs to my room. I threw on my cloak, raising the hood, and opened the window. The cool spring breeze caressed my cheek and ruffled the ends of my hair poking out from beneath the hood. I drew in a deep breath, filling my lungs with the faint scent of blossoms, then searched the shadows. It came as no surprise to see a familiar figure lounging against the wall opposite.
I rested my palms on the windowsill and drew in another deep breath. Then, mind made up, I climbed out and used the pipe to slide to the ground. There was just enough light coming from the torches flickering on either side of the tavern door for Rhys to see me.
He didn’t move, however. He didn’t greet me. He made no sound.
“Rhys…” I began.
“Don’t,” he growled. “Don’t try to justify giving your message to someone else to deliver. You should have told me in person, Jac. Didn’t I deserve that?”
There was enough light that I could see his face. I’d expected a little happiness and relief at seeing me, but clearly his anger overrode any tender feelings. His features were all hard planes, his eyes ice-cold. I’d thought his stance relaxed when viewed from my room, but it was rigid when seen up close.
I wanted to take him in my arms and smooth the tense muscles and melt the ice, but I didn’t trust myself. Giselle was right about one thing. Being apart from Rhys was best for both of us. That hadn’t changed. I closed my hands into fists at my sides and kept my distance.
