Page 36 of Mayfair Madame
“Thank you, but no, Walter. I think I’ll walk.”
I left the building and turned left, past Sam’s bar and the Italian restaurant. Both were in darkness, as were the rest of the retail premises.
It was certainly a different setup, one I’d not seen before. An amalgamation of business and residential spaces, all contained in one building. Josh and I had only had a brief look, but maybe I’d come back again and try the bakery.
The night was still warm, the streets busy with late-night revellers. I wasn’t worried about being out this late at night. I knew how to defend myself, and as I got closer to home, the bright lights of the city faded. Dark side streets with dim lighting hid God knew what.
The scuffle of rats going about their business scared the life out of me, but didn’t they always say you were never more than ten feet away from a rat? I could well believe that.
It took longer than I expected to get home, and it was well after one a.m. when I put the key in the door. My feet ached, but hey, the exercise did me good.
I took off my boots and collapsed onto my sofa, the events of the evening still running through my head. I’d surely blown it with Naomi, even though she’d said we should go for coffee.
Or maybe she’d change her mind. Because who wanted to go out with the miserable arse that moaned about being fat all the time?
I was tired of being like this. Tired of wallowing in self-pity every fucking day of my life since Kate had left.
Naomi was the best thing that had happened to me in a long time, and now here I was, pushing her away like I usually did. Self-sabotage at its finest.
Would she give me another chance?
I hoped so, but that was a problem for tomorrow.
I pulled myself up from the sofa and made my way to the bedroom, my eyes drooping.
Goddamn it. Present Ellie was pissed at past Ellie.
The bed was strewn with clothes. Clothes I’d discarded in favour of the shirt and jeans that barely fit where they touched.
Every one of them tonight—Oscar, Marco, Melinda, Naomi—they’d all dressed impeccably. I reckoned not one of them shopped anywhere but at designer stores. But that would never be possible on my salary.
Was it time to make changes? I should lose weight for myself, but how many times was I going to let this keep me from going for what I wanted?
Naomi had made it clear that she wanted me, and I’d pushed her away. Instead of looking at a bed full of clothes, I could have been sharing abed with the most sensual woman I’d ever met.
God, I was such a fucking idiot.
I swept everything onto the floor, stripped off my clothes, and climbed into bed.
I stared at the ceiling for what felt like an eternity. I tossed and turned, punched my pillow, but still, sleep evaded me.
All I could think about was Naomi and how I’d let her down. She must fucking hate me.
I glanced at my phone, hoping to see a message or a missed call, but there was nothing.
Fuck this. I needed another drink. My mind was all over the place. No way I was getting to sleep tonight. I had some whisky somewhere tucked at the back of a cupboard.
I’d told Naomi I drank a little, certainly not spirits, but tonight called for it.
I poured two fingers, added some ice, and went back to bed, intent on drowning my sorrows.
I almost dropped my glass as Naomi’s name flicked across the screen.
Thanks for tonight. Speak soon, N x
I punched the air. Fuck, yes. Maybe I hadn’t screwed it up completely.
I threw back the whisky, almost choking in the process, and finally drifted off to sleep.
