Page 47 of A Girl, Unbroken
“Oh, Will!” Nathan’s eyes darkened, and then he gently put his arms around me as if my skin were the wings of a butterfly that he didn’t want to crush. I let him even though my body stiffened against my will. I wanted this touch so much. I needed it so much. And I hated my reaction, but the truth hurt, so much so that I couldn’t go through it alone. Glass crunched beneath us, feeling like my own fragility, like the debris of my soul. Heart pounding, I leaned my head against Nathan’s chest, listening to his familiar heartbeats, but it was a long time before I could raise my arms, wrap them around his waist, and cry a lot more.
Kjertan or Rayk, one had not survived my rescue. I remembered that several men had thrown themselves between Noah and me. One twin had died and the other had been so shaken that he couldn’t let his brother go.
“Do you know who that is out there?” I asked Nathan when he had let go of me again, just in time before the familiar urge for distance rose in me.
“No,” he said quietly. “It happened too fast. We were all wearing black clothes, Kjertan and Rayk even wore the sameblack bandana. I just saw Noah’s gun and threw myself between him and you. I assume Kjertan wanted to do the same for you—he was in love with you after all… And Rayk wanted to protect his brother. I think so, but I can’t be sure. Maybe he wanted to save my life too.”
My lungs, throat, and heart felt sore and numb just thinking it could have been Kjertan. Thinking how Nathan and he had offered their lives for me. “Where is he?” I asked, choking.
Nathan looked past me. “We buried him there.”
“There?” I whispered, horrified. “In that place?”
“We couldn’t take him with us. We needed the boat for you.”
I felt the blood from the cuts running down my arms under the sweaters and shirts. More scars. So many scars and losses. My heart wanted to break, especially when I imagined that one of them would remain here forever. No one should have their final resting place in such a place, but naturally, it was merely my gut telling me that.
Nathan looked at me with shadows in his eyes. “Will…he’s so full of grief that I can’t help him. He doesn’t sleep and yet he’s not truly awake. He hardly eats and only drinks moonshine and whiskey. I don’t know what to do.”
Something about those words touched me in a place that I had recently let atrophy like an unused muscle. Compassion. For the last few weeks, I had only been focused on myself, on my suffering, my pain, and what had been done to me.
The thought that Kjertan—or Rayk—was suffering as much in a completely different way made me dizzy. I went out into the morning and looked around searchingly.
Jack, Raphael, Ian, and the twin were still standing frozen by the chopping block, staring at me as I walked toward them. I must have been a terrible sight: tearstained, blood-smeared, snot running out of my nose, and soaked from head to toe in alcohol through three layers of clothing. I hated moonshine.
I stopped in front of Rayk or Kjertan and hugged him before I could change my mind. I held him tightly, suppressing my fear of being so close, and a few tears soaked his shirt. “I’m sorry…” I stammered awkwardly. The man standing here had been brave enough to offer his own life for another. “I…I thank you. I mean…I don’t know what to say…I thank you. But that’s not enough. It will never be enough…” A rough hand ruffled my hair, and at that moment, he surely forgot the past, and I stiffened and backed away.
Kjertan—or Rayk—mumbled an apology and looked at me. “I sorry, prinsessa. Protect nothing better. You bravest girl in world.”
I didn’t even recognize his voice, it could have been either Rayk or Kjertan, but it was a matter of respect not to bother him with it in his grief. “What should I call you?” I wanted to know.
“I no care,” he grumbled.
“Then I’ll call you Kjertan today and Rayk tomorrow. And so on.” That was a compromise and he even smiled for a moment. There was one thing I still didn’t know. “How did you overpower Noah? He had the gun.”
Nathan, who had been standing a few yards away, came over. “Rayk or Kjertan…was hit, but he still threw himself at Noah. He ripped the gun out of his hand, but…but he was too badly injured.” He swallowed and looked at the Johannsson twin, who was Kjertan to me today.
“He shot Noah.”
For a moment, Noah Van Veenstra flickered before me just as he had appeared to me at the beginning as Troy. Like a laid-back, good-natured skater boy. How could I have been so wrong? And I had always believed I could read other people’s feelings. “My brother…he shoot Isaac too,” Kjertan added.
“He killed him?” My heart was pounding. I couldn’t even say his name. Isaac. I just couldn’t, no matter how much I wanted toget rid of that name because it felt like it was burning me inside. “I always thought it was Nathan.”
He shook his head.
“Isaac not dead, Isaac get other gun, want to shoot you.”
Tears welled up in my eyes again and I covered them with my hands. “And the others? Where did they go?”
Nathan spat on the floor, and for a brief moment, I saw his warlike face again. “Ran away. Those cowards. I swear I would have brought them all to justice.”
I knew that and I was grateful to him.
Kjertan looked at Nathan. “This man here, Willa, he no sleep, he no eat, he always look for you. For weeks, every minute, every second, always look for you. No break, no rest. He almost collapse. I think he died. He dead inside until found you.”
I looked at Nathan with tear-filled eyes and hoped so much that he knew how much I loved him even though I was so distant. He nodded at me with a smile and I felt a tiny, warm spot in my cold, numb heart.
After that, I ran back into the house, ripped off my clothes, and spent two hours showering the moonshine, blood, and memories from my skin.
