Page 56 of A Girl, Unbroken
I sat down at his PC again, but since Dad had been away for so long, I shut it down and decided to try again tomorrow.
I was just locking his study when the door opened downstairs. I paused, startled.
“Willa? I’m back. I ordered food from the office and just ran into the delivery man.”
I quietly pulled the key out of the lock and put it back on the frame before breathing a sigh of relief.That was close!
“I’m coming.” I didn’t feel like eating this outrageously expensive meal, which I believed was wasteful since returning, but I couldn’t let on if I truly wanted to find out something.
Basically, I had to perform like Troy. Smile on the surface and lay out the traps behind the scenes.
As we ate, I was silent and thought about Nathan. I had said I would get in touch with him and that he shouldn’t call me so Dad wouldn’t get suspicious. But now, two days had passed. He was probably waiting impatiently for a sign of life from me. I hoped he wouldn’t do anything stupid or come here. If Dad found out who he was, Isaac’s half brother, he would definitely send Arrow Corp after him or shoot him with his own gun.
I forced myself to praise the food and smile at Dad, but his friendly, searching expression told me that he wasn’t certain what I truly believed and if he could trust me.
The next day, it took hours before I could finally enter Dad’s study. He kept asking me if he should call Dr. Moore, but I always said no even though I knew I would have to talk to someone at some point. However, it certainly wouldn’t be the old psychiatrist or psychologist from my childhood, and I wouldn’t be able to do it within the next few months.
When Dad was finally picked up by his chauffeur, I immediately slipped back into his study. I had spent the whole day walking around the penthouse, inspecting everything carefully, searching for a clue to the password. Passwords usually had a personal touch. Nathan, for example, had chosen the coordinates of Lea’s burial site for his cell phone; it couldn’t be more personal.
For a moment, I thought about how my life would have turned out if I had never cracked that code because that was exactly what had given Noah the opportunity to contact Isaac in the first place. I couldn’t say if Noah had any technical know-how to bypass the password, but I didn’t think so. He had never been a techie.
For a while, I sat lost in the leather chair while sequences of images from last summer floated through my mind. The green, mysterious swamp that always carried the subtle smell of earth and mold. The webs of Spanish moss like shining silver hairs between the branches of the cypress trees. Nathan and I in the cabin, naked, laughing, loving, and teasing. The gentle whispers of tender words. Back then, I thought we were the only people in the world who really knew love.
My eyes moistened. Seeing those images was harder than anything else; harder than the hours I had suffered. The loss was almost unbearable. It would never be that way again. I would never be the same again. Isaac had taken so much from me. The feeling of wanting to be desired and the desire to make myself pretty. The innocence of love. So many things I could have discovered with Nathan that had been forced on me so brutally instead. A raw longing flickered in my heart. How beautiful and exciting it had been in Lost Memories to feel Nathan’s burning, lustful gaze on my skin. It had seemed like the brush of a shooting star, a hint of touch, the anticipation of something that felt magical.
Isaac had burned everything to a pile of ash.
If only I hadn’t figured out that password, I would never have been in that situation.
Perhaps the memory was a warning. Maybe I wouldn’t be ready for what I would find on Dad’s computer. At worst, it would bring about another disaster. Better to admit defeat.
Feeling like I would never get over my loss, I put my head in my hands and cried. I felt irreparably damaged and branded no matter how much time passed. And every time I cried, I thought of all those we had lost. Sparta, Pan, or Iliad. I had even lost Troy in a way because I had believed in his friendship and loved him for far too long.
I thought of the day when I found the camphor ointment and fled from Pan. Even then, Troy had portrayed Pan’s actions believably.
I pressed my fingers briefly against my closed eyelids. Something about this memory jolted me awake, bringing me back to the here and now. Troy had said something…something I needed at that moment. Something about the ointment. Then it suddenly occurred to me. He had said that Pan might have kept the ointment because it was a kind of trophy for him. Troyhad foisted his own desire for the trophy onto Pan. My father thought the same way as Troy. Many successful men liked to keep a hunting trophy of their former competitors, their victims, or their vanquished. For example, Dad still owned Mr. Mancini’s Rolex. The watch was collateral because Mr. Mancini had been unable to pay his personal debts at the time. Dad could have sold the diamond-studded watch long ago, but he didn’t need the money. And even if he did… He preferred to own the piece that had meant so much to Mr. Mancini. That gave him a sense of victory.
I tapped a key to interrupt the screen saver. Maybe the name of his unloved son was a victory for Dad.IsaacMcCormackI typed without a space.
Incorrect password.
I tried it backward, which also didn’t work.
Bebravemychild
That was, of course, also wrong. I thought about it. Maybe I needed to go back in time. What was a trophy for Dad? Maybe something forbidden that he couldn’t tell anyone and that was why he had immortalized it here as a password? And suddenly, I knew.CoralieMcCormack, I typed quickly.
Incorrect password.
I felt like I had been zapped by a stun gun, I had been so sure. I tried it backward and then with numbers instead of letters. Then the realization hit me like a bolt of lightning. Nathan andIsaac’s mother had not yet been married at the time. Her maiden name was Chevalier. Isaac had told me when he told me his story between moonshine, rape, and cigarettes. I remembered Chevalier well; it meantknightand sounded like a noble title. In my madness at the time, I had actually believed that the name did not fit the poor conditions in Coldville at all and how I could have really used a knight then.
I nervously typed:
CoralieChevalier
The folder opened and several subfolders popped up as I stared at the screen, shocked. The fact that Nathan and Isaac’s mom’s name was the password immediately confirmed one thing for me: Isaac had told the truth. He was definitely my half brother because why else would Dad know the name and even use it as a password? So, Dad must have fabricated his version of the story.
My heart suddenly beat twice as fast. He had raped Coralie Chevalier just like Isaac had raped me. The password was partial evidence. If it had only been a fleeting love affair, he certainly wouldn’t have chosen the name as a password. Something about it appealed to him. The taboo probably. The name and the deed were his dirty secret that he kept hidden from the world. However, much more importantly, if he lied about Isaac’s story, then maybe he was lying about Coldville too. And Mom.
