Page 7 of I Would Stay Forever
“Lavender!” I recognized Zoey’s voice instantly, along with the fast footsteps that told me she was running over. “Lavender, are you okay?”
My dad’s hand left my shoulder and I could envision him standing up straight and coming up with a lie to convince her everything was fine. After all, that was apparently what he did best.
“She’s not feeling well, Zoey,” he told her. “I’ll drive home with her instead.”
“But…” I could hear the hesitation in Zoey’s voice. She could probably see the tears on my face, and I was sure she was wondering what I was doing out here in the first place. She’d been the one to notice Dean outside the window, and she probably had a million questions—ones that I never wanted to answer.
“I can give you a ride,” Dean offered. He stepped into my peripheral vision, coming to stand between me and Zoey. Whether he was just trying to get closer to her or trying to give me privacy I wasn’t sure, but I appreciated it either way.
I was sure Zoey wanted to get another ride in my new car so she could gush to me some more about the boy behind the counter, but after a moment’s hesitation, she said, “All right.” Dean started to lead her back out to the front lot, where his car must have been—just like everyone’s cars were, except for those who were having affairs and needed to keep theirs hidden from view.
How could he do this?
I heard some low murmuring that must have been Dad talking to the woman, and then there was a car door shutting. I heard her drive off softly, going the far way around the buildings because she couldn’t drive past me. I wondered if that was their usual routine so that nobody noticed them leaving the same way.
Then I threw up again.
Tell her or I will.
Dean wasn’t talking about me. He was talking about Mum. And even though I had to assume this had been going on for a while—it seemed too practiced not to—I knew that tonight would be the day my family broke for good.
three
In the end,Dad drove me home in his car and promised he’d bring me back to get mine in the morning. I didn’t tell him that I never planned to get in a car alone with him. I just nodded and mentally decided that I would ask Sebastian to drive me instead.
Dad tried to keep up a conversation in the car—asking me if I was feeling better, saying that he wasn’t surprised I’d found the best diner in town, and asking if I was excited for my senior year. I didn’t respond to a single one of his questions, and I wished he would just shut up, but he kept droning on for the whole drive. By the end, I figured he was probably more scared of the silence than of bothering me with his chatter. If we sat in silence, he would have nothing to think about but what was waiting for him when we got home.
It felt like the car ride lasted years and by the time we pulled up to the house, the moon was high in the sky. Sebastian’s car was parked on the street instead of in the driveway, as if he was ready for the quick getaway he would need to make tonight. I wondered if it was a coincidence or if Dean had called with a warning.
Thinking of Dean made my stomach twist again. The way he’d shoved my father and gave him the ultimatum none of uswanted to hear.Tell her or I will.I glanced next door, to the dark window of his bedroom. He wasn’t here. He couldn’t be if he drove Zoey all the way home first, but I felt a strange pull to walk over there anyway. Maybe it was just the desire to be anywhere but here. Or maybe it was because he was the only other person in the world who had seen what I had. Who knew exactly what had just happened.
“Lovey...” Dad whispered. I flinched away from him. He had already ruined the name for me, but I didn’t want it stained any more than it already was.
“Don’t.” Even though I felt broken inside, like there were glass shards pressed up against my heart, my voice came out sharp. This time, he flinched away and I felt a perverse sense of joy at being able to hurt him even a fraction as much as he had hurt me.
Maybe that was the reason he got out of the car without saying a word. Then he stood there with the door open for a long time like he wasn’t sure if he was going inside or not. I didn’t want to have to be the one to force him, but I probably wouldn’t have to be. All I had to do was stop him from driving away before Dean showed up. It was obvious from the way he’d been yelling in the parking lot that he wasn’t scared to give Dad a piece of his mind.
So I waited patiently, watching him bathed in the moonlight as he leaned in, resting one hand on the roof of the car and the other along the windowsill, propping him up. I had a flashback to a few hours ago, when he’d leaned into my car the very same way. He had given me that car right before he planned to go on a date with his mistress—a woman who couldn’t be ten years older than me.
How had he already managed to ruin that gift for me?
“Are you coming in?” he asked. I thought about it for way longer than I should have. I knew I should follow, should bethere to make sure that he told his story in the right way, that he told everyone the real truth, making them understand how exactly this all came about. But then I shook my head. I couldn’t go inside with him because I couldn’t watch my dad break my mom’s heart.
He sighed, and for a second I thought he was going to try to talk me into it. Then he tapped the top of the car a couple times and stood up straight, turning his back on me. Even though I’d just been hoping that he wouldn’t talk me into coming with him, seeing him walk away from me without a word hurt even more. Maybe it was because in the last hour, I hadn’t seen even a glimpse of remorse on his face.
I threw the car door open and dry heaved on the driveway. In the back of my mind, I hoped that none of my neighbours could see me, because I would never live this down. Then I felt a wave of guilt crash over me for worrying about something so trivial while my mom was inside being told her marriage was over.
“You’re okay, Lavender,” a soft voice came from above me. For a second, I thought I was imagining an angel, until I lifted my head and saw Sebastian beside me. He tried to smile but it was clearly forced and had no warmth behind it.
He knew.
I looked at the front door just as it opened and Ainsley walked out of the house with Imogen on her heels. All the sounds I’d been unintentionally blocking out came flying in now, crashing into my mind so hard that it made me want to collapse. Yelling. So much yelling. Even when Imogen closed the door, slamming it a little harder than necessary, it didn’t stop. My gaze drifted across all the open windows dotting our house. I guess it hadn’t occurred to Dad to close them before telling Mom the truth.
“Come on,” Sebastian said. He grabbed my arm and helped me get to my feet, slamming the car door closed behind me. Wewaited for Ainsley and Imogen to walk up the driveway before we started moving. I wasn’t sure where we were going, but I was happy to follow Sebastian. I would follow my big brother to the end of the world. Or, as it turned out, next door.
Both cars were in the Graham’s driveway again, so Dean must have come back at some point while I was sitting there. Gosh, how long had that been? It only felt like a few minutes, but for all I knew, it could have been hours. Time wasn’t real to me anymore. All that existed was thebeforeand thenow.
The after.
