Page 219 of The Nightmare Bride
I’d never meant those words so literally, but now I knew I had a goddess on my hip—one I hadn’t treated with much courtesy, or any deference to speak of. In fact, I’d done an embarrassing amount of swearing in front of her.
The dagger hummed.Yes?
I tried to make up for my heathen ways by adopting a tone of supplication.Tell me what to say to him. Please. I can’t stand making him suffer.
A laugh murmured against my palm and faded.
I frowned. Unhelpful vixen.
The truth it was, then. “Yes, I...knew.”
Pain bled through Merron’s stoicism. “And you didn’t tell me?”
“Because you would’ve tried to stop me.” A pleading note snuck into my voice. “You know you would have.”
He swallowed in silence, and if nothing else, I appreciated him not coming out with a denial we both would’ve known to be a lie.
“I deserved better,” he finally said. “From you.”
Oh, goddess. I wanted to pull up the carpet and crawl underneath, then tack it back down to the floorboards. “You did. You absolutely did. And I’m sorry. I hate that I hurt you. I have no excuse. This whole marriage thing was a mistake, and I’m stupid for having done it.”
“Then you...regret it?”
“Deeply.”
He recoiled like I’d delivered an aimed blow. “Goddess, Harlowe, that’s even worse.”
“Worse? What? How?”
“Because.” His brows drew together. He looked so...woebegone, with the silvered light robbing his skin and hair of their rich brown hues. “If you regret marrying him, that makes this whole thing a waste. It means I lost you for nothing. It means I feel this way for no reason.”
My chest caved in. A thousand excuses bubbled in my throat—aspersions on Kyven’s honor, promises of an annulment, denials that I could feel anything for some russet-haired prince of Hightower. But none of it would’ve helped. I’d ground Merron’s heart to a fine powder, and I couldn’t seem to stop doubling down on that process.
So I said the truest thing possible. “I did it for Amryssa.”
“Amryssa.” A hard wall went up behind his eyes. “Right. Of course.”
Shit. Why had I gone with that? If I stuck my foot into my mouth any further, I’d start digesting it. I tried to explain, but he fended me off with a raised hand.
“Don’t. Just don’t, okay? I don’t want to hear another word about how you’d go to the ends of the earth for her when you refuse to do a single thing for me.”
With a shake of his head, he swept past. I watched him go, my every breath laced with remorse.
Gods among us. I was a terrible, horrible person. No heart to speak of. Which usually came in handy, but with Merron, I always walked away painted in a fresh layer of shame.
And right now, I had never felt so small.
18.
On my return to the library, I found Amryssa and Lunk sitting cross-legged on the carpet together, laughing.
I paused, letting their lightheartedness soothe the sting of my disgrace. It helped that they weren’t just laughing, but outrightgiggling—her with a silvery twitter, him with a rumble akin to furniture being moved.
I watched them until my heart quieted.
Because...this was it, wasn’t it?Thiswas why I loved her, why I’d give anything. Why I’d marry Kyven all over again if necessary. Because even after the nightmare had brought such suffering, Amryssa shone like a diamond in a coal mine, like a lamp on a foggy night. She was the best and brightest humanity had to offer, and she deserved a little peace.
She glanced up at my approach. Her white curls spilled down her back and trailed onto the carpet. Amusement brightened her face.
