Page 251 of The Nightmare Bride
“Because.” She sniffled. “I didn’t want you to worry. I know it hurts you when I’m unhappy. So I’ve tried. I truly have. I’ve tried to be content.”
I inhaled sharply. “You’re not, though?”
“I am,” she said, averting her eyes. “Sometimes. With you, when we’re laughing. Or when Lunk tells me chicken stories. But it’s hard, Harlowe. The swamp. It shouts louder every day.”
I took the diary and set it aside, needing a moment to concentrate on something other than her crumpled face.
How I wished things had gone the way the Lady Marche had intended. But they hadn’t—not only did Amryssa not want the same things, but her mother’s sacrifice had gone awry. When the Lady had finally ventured into the swamp, she’d been waylaid by a nightmare. She’d died before offering herself to Zephyrine, thus leaving Olivian with an impossible choice: consign his daughter to the marsh, or curse Oceansgate with the nightmares.
But at least this explained why the seneschal had stayed. He was responsible for this.
My next question stuck in my chest, blocking my airway and squatting on my heart. I had to ask, yet the prospect terrified me.
So I closed my eyes and took a cleansing breath. After all, I’d battled a nightmare andalmostwon. I could do this.
“What do you want?” My words were about as firm as last night’s pudding, so I repeated myself, louder this time. “Now that you know, what do you want to do about this?”
Amryssa’s chin trembled. She stared and stared and stared, and in the quiet, the two halves of my heart declared war on one another.I need you to be happy, but gods above, please don’t leave me.
“Let me ask you something,” she said. “Would you be all right, if I went?”
Oh, goddess. I caged my answer against the roof of my mouth, feeling like a monster for having it ready.
“That’s not fair, I know,” she rushed to add. “But I want you to tell me the truth.”
I tried a few versions out in my head, then shaped my denial into something suitably gentle. “I’d be...lost.”
She nodded, as if she’d expected that. “And my father? Do you think he’d be all right?”
“No,” I blurted, because that had no shades of gray. Olivian had gutted his territory for her. Knowing what I did now, I suspected losing his daughter might actually kill him.
He’d have nothing left. Just ghosts and guilt and nightmares. Ones he’d brought on himself, but...still. He hadn’t made any choices I wouldn’t have. “No. He wouldn’t.”
“Then I think...I have to stay.” Amryssa scrubbed at her cheeks, her eyes solemn. “Because I could never hurt him like that. Or you.”
The iron band around my ribcage loosened. “Really?”
“Really.”
“But is this actually what you want?”
“Yes.” She squared her shoulders. “I want...this. My life. My family.”
I missed a beat, then threw myself at her, my lungs expanding in a rush. “You’ll marry Ky, then? Go to Hightower with me?”
She patted my arm, then attempted a giggle. It was a sallow, trembling thing, but a giggle, nonetheless. “I will.”
“Oh, goddess, I want that so badly,” I said into her shoulder. She smelled like flowers. Like night-blooming jasmine and plumeria, which must have been some kind of goddess thing, considering no one in this house had been able to afford perfume for years. “But only if it’ll actually make you happy.”
“It will.” She patted my arm. “Also, you’re choking me.”
I eased back, my limbs syrupy with relief. I felt heavy, like someone had poured me full of molasses. “Thank Zephyrine. I mean, not Zephyrine—that’s actually kind of rude to say, now that I think about it—but thankyou. Zephyrine can wait. She can have you back when you’re eighty.”
Amryssa mustered a smile and fondled the diary. “Until then, what do we do with this?”
I considered the journal. If Olivian found his wife’s letter—if he learned about the blood-price—he would offer Zephyrine his life. Of that, I had no doubt. But that would kill Amryssa as surely as fading into the swamp would. “I’ll keep it hidden, in my room. Olivian can’t know. No one can.”
“All right. And Harlowe? Do you think I could have some water? I’m thirsty. And tired. And I think I need to lie down for a minute. This is...a lot.”
