Page 114 of A Dance With Fire
“Why?” she found herself asking.
“Why what?”
“Why would you give your life?”
She knew what would happen if she were on the other end of the spectrum. It was what she’d done time and time again. She would run and hide, and that fact suddenly made her feel less brave than she thought she was.
She’d thought there was bravery in running and hiding;surviving, she’d called it. But was there truer bravery in standing and fighting, even if you knew you were going to die?
As if he could read her questions, Ryker answered, “A life of slavery and fear is not a life. When you know freedom, true freedom, nothing else can ever compare. And I would rather die fighting to give freedom to others than hide amongst those who would kill me without a second thought.”
Those words were like a slap to her face. She felt the heat crawl up her neck because he was talking about her. About the decisions she’d made. They weren’t said with their usual ire, and yet they still stung.
“I’ve never known freedom. How can I fight for something I’ve never seen?”
“You just do it.”
But, how?All she knew was a life in shackles. It had grown comfortable. Familiar. Safe. Fighting wasn’t safe. It was unknown and therefore dangerous.
“You hate me because I’m afraid to fight,” she whispered. “But I haven’t known anything other than hiding.”
Ryker grunted but didn’t contradict what she said. That hurt. Even after training together, he still thought so little of her, and all she’d tried to do was prove herself again and again. He couldn’t see, and all she wanted was to hurt him for it. Like he hurt her.
“Don’t you think your behavior is as bad as mine?” His eyebrows merely rose. “Is that why you heal everyone else so much, no matter the injuries? Not because you feel like it’s the right thing, but because you don’t care if you live or die? You’re using the ‘saving the Fae’ thing as an excuse when it’s not true.”
“Shula…” His voice held a tone of warning that she didn’t heed.
“Do you really want to save everyone because they’re Fae and you want them safe, or are you compensating for someone you couldn’t save?”
Ryker’s glare slashed through her. Had it been a knife, she would have bled out on the forest floor. He pushed himself to his feet like he wanted nothing more than to get away from her and the truth she presented. Likely, a truth he never dared consider himself.
“Ryker…” Shula stood. She wouldn’t let him walk away. Every time he threw something in her face, she took it and she listened. But when someone mentioned his own faults, he ran.
“Leave it alone, Shula.”
“It’s true, isn’t it?”
He started to walk away. Shula followed. She was being incessant, she knew, but it didn’t matter. He was making her face her demons, why shouldn’t he do it as well?
Whenever they took a few steps forwards, progressing in whatever strange relationship they had, he always trampled over it, pushed them backwards. Like he didn’t want to accept where things were going.
Shula didn’t even know where they were going, but she liked it. She liked the amicability between them. When he shoved her away, each shove harder than the last, maybe he hoped that with the right pressure, he’d push her away for good.
And it was working.
So Shula fought back.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Ryker growled.
“Don’t I, though?”
“You don’t know a damn thing.”
“Who’s Mairin?”
The words pulled Ryker back. He stopped, his whole body going taut. Then he was whirling, stepping towards her with eyes that were blazing with the force of his fury.
“Mind your own fucking business, Fire Dancer.”
