Page 58 of A Sword of Ice
“Then run away from me, just like you run from fucking everything else.”
The tears slid down her cheeks even as she tried to stop them. She felt his pang of panic at the sight of them. While he hated himself for hurting her, he also didn’t feel regret at the words, because they felt honest.
She was burning from the inside, smoke in her lungs threatening to choke her. She took a step back and Ryker went to reach for her. She wasn’t sure if it was to change his mind or to say more of the cruel things he was so good at saying.
He didn’t get close to her, because her fire shot out and scorched his palm. He cried out and guilt swallowed her whole, but she didn’t stop to check his wound. She knew if she touched him, that bond that pulsed between them would overtake her with lust and she’d forget every cruel thing he said, and she didn’t want to forget. She turned and ran down below deck.
Iona was no longer there, but the whisper of her magic still was. Shula was alone. She threw herself into a corner, tugging at the strands of hair, pushing and pulling them over her ears and back again.
Her tears burned like rivers of fire, and they tasted like embers on her tongue as she struggled to catch a breath. Footsteps sounded down the stairs, light and recognizable. A moment later she was enveloped with the rich scent of something bubbly and decadent and delicious. Not quite confection, but something smooth and drinkable, like a rich wine and bright flavors that popped in the mouth.
Clay.
He sat next to her and didn’t speak, but he grabbed her around the shoulder. The next moment she was in his arms, sitting across his lap while his hand pressed against the back of her head so her cries were drowned out against the front of his tunic.
“You can cry, Fire Dancer. There’s no shame in that.”
The words opened a floodgate of emotions inside her. She felt Ryker trying to tug against their connection and she slapped him away, building up a wall to block him out. She didn’t want him here. Not now. She wanted to grieve and figure shit out on her own.
Heal herself, because no one was going to fucking do it for her.
And Clay? He held her as her mind whirled through those thoughts. He held her long after the tears dried and her face was sticky with evidence of her weakness.
She pushed away from him, settling back at his side. Her head dropped to the wall behind her and she looked up at the creaking ceiling.
“It smells like fish down here,” she said, her voice a mere rasp from crying.
Clay chuckled. “It wasn’t me, I swear.”
Shula found herself echoing the laughter softly. Then she groaned and tugged at the ends of her long hair.
“What am I doing, Clay?”
“I would guess you were letting your emotions out.” His fingers clasped against her knee and squeezed. She found comfort in the touch. “Nothing wrong with not wanting to be around those assholes.” He side eyed her. “Or one asshole specifically. What’d he do, Fire Dancer? Want me to drain his blood?”
She held back a shudder at the thought of Clay using his magic against Ryker. She’d only seen it once briefly when they were in Terrlyn, a small town in Orknie. A soldier had been hurting Filomena, a young maid in a safe house they were staying at. All he’d done was hold out his hand and magic surged, bursting the guard’s veins from the inside. The influx of blood poured from his orifices, making him look grotesque. It even made Clay’s own eyes and nose bleed.
All magic came with a price. In his instance, it was blood for blood.
“No,” she answered, because she believed he would fight for her honor if she asked it of him. Despite their rocky beginnings, she considered Clay a friend. A best friend, if she was inclined to lean towards that idea, which she supposed shewas. He’d always been there for her, giving her the emotional support she needed.
She hadn’t wanted friends.
He became one just the same.
“What’s wrong?”
She sighed and pushed her hair away. “I just don’t know where I fit in.”
His blond brows pulled together. “Where? Here? With us, you mean?”
“I’m not like you all and it’s never been more painfully obvious than it is now. A new set of ears isn’t going to change that about me. I think I’m still… human, or as human as I ever pretended to be. And they can all still see it. I see their judging looks. It fucking hurts.”
She’d never been so honest with someone else before except probably Fanny. That had ended in disaster, but Clay was different. She didn’t know how, he just was.
“Why do you want to please them so badly—?” He broke off, his eyes going wide. “Ah,” he said with understanding. “Because of Iona?”
Shula took her bottom lip between her teeth and forced a nod.
