Page 72 of A Sword of Ice
“What did I say?”
Julius chuckled, though the sound held no joy and pressed a kiss to her temple. “I’ll explain later,” he whispered.
* * *
Ryker watched Shula go,but he did not follow. Even while every instinct in his body, his soul, screamed at him to go after his mate, to hold her, comfort her, vanquish what ailed her, he resisted. How could he vanquish her demons when he was one of them?
He hated that he didn’t understand what she wanted from him.
Hated it even more that she felt like their bond had been a mistake.
It hurt him, gutted him worse than any wound on his body had ever inflicted.
The words he’d spat out hadn’t helped either, but they were true. She was running, just like she always ran. Ryker didn’t know what else to say or do that would make her want to stay. He knew something was wrong, with him, with her. They were both so deeply buried in their own anger and insecurities, but it was a hole they couldn’t break out of.
“You’re a fucking dumbass.”
Ryker turned to Clay, who was staring after Shula as well. A possessive growl rose up in his chest. He didn’t want the Fae looking anywhere in her direction.
He wasn’t really sure what to make of this new, primal, obsessive part of him that demanded Shula be his and only his. He’d felt a whisper of it before they bonded. Now it enveloped him with demanding, angry fingers.
He knew what a mating bond was, what it entailed, and he’d done it. Because he’d wanted to. Because he believed in Shula more than she believed in herself. Because love was selfish, and he wanted to remember what it tasted like. In that selfishness, he’d forgotten it was agony.
“Fuck off,” Ryker growled.
Clay pierced him with a look of anger, something very surprising since Clay was hardly ever serious about anything except whose skirt he could chase next.
“No,” he grinded out. “I’m not going to keep fucking quiet. Shula is my friend.”
Ryker’s temper flared and he snapped his canines in Clay’s direction. He didn’t even flinch, but Ryker wanted to rip him apart suddenly.
“Fuck off with that,” Clay growled. “She may be your mate, but you obviously don’t know a damn thing about her.”
Ryker froze, feeling as though he’d just been gutted. “I know her better than you.”
“Oh, really?” he mocked. “Doesn’t seem like it. Do you even know why she’s so pissed at you? No? Let me give you a hint. You keep trying to turn her into something she’s not because of your own skewed, fucked up ideals about what it means to be a real Fae.”
“I do n—”
“Don’t stand there and fucking deny it. You think a Fae isn’t a real Fae unless they’re fighting or being a giant asshole and a martyr like you.”
Ryker clenched his teeth, but he had no reply to that. Nothing Clay would listen to, at any rate. And he didn’t owe the other Fae an explanation, besides. Shula washismate. He didn’t need advice from Clay or anyone else on how to handle their problems.
“You’re not even fucking listening.” Clay shoved him, jostling Ryker out of his thoughts.
He jerked towards him, his eyes wild with anger. “What the fuck do you want me to say, Clay?”
Clay’s palms collided with Ryker’s shoulders, shoving him back. His anger was a patent thing now, showing in slashing lines of his pretty features. “I want you to realize what a dick you’re being. You still think deep down everyone is like Mairin, don’t you?”
The pain of hearing her name came suddenly. The scars holding the leftover, smooth bits of his face together pulsed with a phantom agony that never quite seemed to ebb.
“What if she was still alive?” Clay continued, his voice knives that cut through his skin in slow increments. “Would you give her shit for what she did?”
Ryker roared and reached for Clay, grabbing hold of the front of his jacket to bring him nose to nose. “She’snotalive, and that’s the point.” It was why he wanted Fae to be strong, why he healed them. Because if he couldn’t save her, at least he could save everyone else.
“No, the point is, she’s fuckingdeadRyker. It’s beenyears.Shula isn’t Mairin. She’s your mate, even when you don’t fucking deserve her.”
He shoved him away with a snarl. “You don’t know what you’re fucking talking about.”
