Page 120 of Lourdes & the Mafia
And Lorenzo and I would not exist.
“That’s not true.”
“Bullshit!” My temper explodes. The darkness around us pushes out in a cataclysm of shadows and fear. It threatens to swallow me whole, and the madness chokes up my throat.
He wants to talk about madness?
Nothing compares to what lives within me.
“Do not sit there and lie to me. Do not sit there and tell me you did not go up there and hope.”
His silence is answer enough.
“I’m done here.” I turn, stalking out of the room. Ramiel calls after me and I do not turn around. I don’t dare to. That way I don’t have to see his face.
That way I can pretend the pain I hear lacing his voice is just a fucking lie.
I vanish in my pain and madness, appearing in The Pit amongst my demons and the souls. They flee upon my arrival, my anger a pulsing vibration that strikes through them like a weapon.
I scream and my magic lashes out, striking against the souls in the vicinity. Their strangled screams bring me no joy.
I have no control. Their pain is nothing but a distant sound, their suffering a mere nuisance. It does not bring me any joy. It does not bring me release.
Nothing can.
Nothing can except…
My magic responds to my errant thoughts, transporting me out of The Pit and into Lorenzo’s room where Lourdes lays on the bed.
She jolts up with surprise at my arrival, but I can barely bring myself to look at her. The energy pulsing beneath my skin is a wild thing, demanding release. Demanding something.
What I told Ramiel is true.
I’ve long since lost any semblance of pride when it comes to Lourdes. I’m hanging onto a thread of my sanity, holding it desperately so I don’t fall.
And yet in this instant, I want nothing more than to spiral. Everything comes crashing down on me at once.
Ramiel, the spear sticking through his chest.
The pain tearing through my flesh.
Death, imminent like a promise.
And if I’d died, there would have been nothing left of me. Nothing but ashes and dust. Anger and madness.
What else do I have to show for my existence but the souls strung up in The Pit? What else do I have to show for myself but this burning need to touch someone I can’t and denial coursing through my veins?
No more.
No more.
“Kane?”
Her voice is the final straw that snaps something inside me. I’ve no control over myself. I’ve finally lost all semblance of sanity.
And I don’t give a shit.
I want her.
