Page 36 of Lourdes & the Mafia
Ramiel turns his attention back to Kane. “You will apologize to her for breaking your word.”
Kane scoffs. “Brother, she’s—”
“Youwillapologize to her, and you’ll stop acting like a petulant fucking child.”
Kane scoffs again and turns his head to the side, avoiding Rami’s gaze. If anyone didn’t know him, they would say he was annoyed, but I see the truth. He’s ashamed of himself for what he did. It’s in the tightening of his jaw, his fists, the way his eyes look distant and haunted and far away.
He finally looks back. “Fine,” he grits out. “I will.” He starts to leave, but I stop him with a hand to his shoulder. “What?!” he snaps at me.
“Give her a moment, brother,” I advise. “She’s pissed. Anything you tell her right now won’t be well received.”
Ramiel sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “We need the vidente to trust us,” he says. “This was our chance to earn it and the two of you fucked up.” He lowers his hand and smoke rises at his feet. “We need her,” he says just as his body begins to vanish. “Remember that.”
Lourdes
Everytime.
Every single fucking time I see the best in people and give them a chance, they pull this shit. They lie. They cheat. They gaslight.
They act like I’m fuckingstupid.
Never again.
I’m so sick and tired of being treated like a spectator in my own life; of being treated like I’m worth nothing more than a pretty face or a pair of legs that’ll spread when you say ‘Open Sesame.’
I mean, the fact that I like dick doesn’t give men a right to treat me like a cum dumpster. Dimas, with his constant cheating. Lorenzo, kissing me breathless like he owns me. Ramiel, invading my fucking visions…
And Kane.
Dios, he’s such a fucking asshole.
I asked them not to kill Yessi. I didn’t want her death on my conscience, and yet there it is, weighing heavily down on me. I mean, sure I stabbed the desgraciada, but that had been in self-defense. There’d been a relieved part of me to know that I hadn’tactuallykilled her.
I’m not Naomi. I’m not a Kraken or motorcycle club princess. I’m a simple witch living a relatively normal life. I can sometimes see the future, but that doesn’t mean I can fuck shit up like others can. That doesn’t mean I’ll be able to sleep good knowing I sent those hellhounds out to murder her.
Besides that, I wanted to look into her eyes myself and ask her what’s been nagging at me since Kane mentioned it.
Did my family hire someone to off me?
Was it Raquel?
That bitch has always wanted to be the seer. She left a pile of steaming dog shit on my porch after abuela died and the magic transferred to me instead of her. As if I manipulated the universe somehow. She’s under this insane impression that she deserves the magic and not me.
Tough luck, bitch. It’s mine. And I’m usually not very possessive of the magic, and I complain about the painful fucking visions, but I’ve lived with it long enough now to accept it as a part of me. It’s mine to do with as I please.
Just because abuela did tarot readings and helped strangers off the street with her gift doesn’t mean I have to do the same. It’s not like my magic has even specifically asked me to help others. Sometimes, you just can’t escape fate. It always feels like you’re destined to end up back where you started, regardless.
So I’m back at square one myself. Only this time I have a lot of questions I need answered. And since they killed Yessi, that’s a dead end. I have to find out who tried to kill meon my own.
I was so distracted by pretty faces and smoke and mirrors that I started to lose sight of what was important.
My independence.
I allowed them to help because I thought I couldn’t do it on my own. Falling into old, stupid habits once again. The fact is I have no one but myself to rely on, and it’ll stay that way.
So I need to get the fuck out of the Underworld and go punch Raquel’s nose in until she tells me the truth.
But how do I escape this hell on my own? I refuse to go back out there and ask them to take me back, because I gave them a damn good exit, but also because I know they won’t agree to it. They’ll keep me trapped here like a little pet and try to solve my problems for me. I mean, they couldn’t even keep one little promise.
