Page 81 of Lourdes & the Mafia
Now, I’m in the Underworld once again, in Lorenzo’s room which I’ve quickly claimed as my own in the short time I’ve been with them.
I can feel the bruises forming on my body, feel blood somewhere, yet my mind isn’t connecting with my present injuries. It still lives in the past where I’m being attacked, where Kane is being hurt.
And there’s nothing I can do to stop it.
“Amore, this might sting a bit.” Lorenzo is being attentive, he’s gentle as he takes off my heels and his hands roam over my skin. His palms slide over my injuries, and I hardly feel them. Just a slight sting, nothing more, before it disappears and somehow, my body feels invigorated.
Even if my mind is in chaos.
“Amore…”
Lorenzo’s palm against my cheek slowly drifts me back into reality. A reality where tears burn behind my eyes and my heart is beating too fast. Where my hands are shaking and I can physically feel the nausea and anxiety threatening to overwhelm me.
“Fuck,” Lorenzo curses. “It’s okay, Amore, you’re safe now.”
“What about Kane?” My breaths heave and the words leave me in a strangled mess. “He was h-h-hurt.”
Something in Lorenzo’s brown eyes warms. “My brother will be fine. He’s here in the Underworld with us.”
“He got hurt because of me.” Because those creatures were there for me. Somehow I know that. And I keep picturing the weapon protruding from his abdomen. The pain contorting his features. The way he called on those demons to protect us. To protect me.
“He got hurt because of the asshole who wants to kidnap you. Don’t blame yourself for the actions of others.”
His words make sense, yet the feeling of guilt is still there. If only I’d seen it coming, if only I had better control of my magic, if only I weren’t such a liability…
“My brother will heal,” he reassures me, though I feel the furthest thing from it. “This I promise you. It will take a lot more than that to fell the King of The Pit.” His thumb reaches up to caress my cheekbone. “It is nice to see you care, though.”
“Of course I care.” My shaking hands reach up, fingers slipping through his curls and holding on. Like I’m afraid he’ll disappear if I don’t. “I barely know you, but I care. So fucking much.”
He smiles softly, his thumb beginning to trace circles against my skin. It’s slow and methodical, and I find myself closing my eyes and leaning into the touch.
I need it. I crave this proximity, but I need more. I want more.
“Lorenzo…”
I’m tired of feeling helpless against my own life. Against the forces that are trying to kill me and who are hurting my men in the process. I’m not sure when I began to think of them as mine. Maybe when Kane took a weapon for me. When Lorenzo healed me. When Ramiel killed those creatures for me.
They’ve done so much and have asked for nothing in return.
Naomi would hate this. After all, isn’t this what the Krakens did for her? ButIdon’t hate this. I like this feeling. Of being protected. Of being safe in their arms.
It’s not independence. It’s dependence.
But fuck it. Shouldn’t the two go hand in hand?
There’s nothing wrong with needing someone. There’s nothing wrong with wanting love and to love in return. Otherwise it just becomes a lonely fucking existence. And the longer I spend in their presence, the more I realize they’re people I can really learn to love.
Demons, murderers, mafia, or whatever they are.
I need them and want them.
Lorenzo must read the need in my tone because he reaches for me first, leaning up with half-lidded eyes. I meet him halfway, our lips meeting in a frenzy. We devour one another almost immediately. His tongue flicks across mine, deep and slow and desperate, and I pull him close, a groan tearing through my throat, pulling him up so he’s half sprawled against my body.
He lands on me, hands caging me in on either side, and I lay back against the bed, pulling him down, refusing to pull my lips from his.
His touch electrifies every nerve inside my body. It threatens destruction, only to rebuild me from my own ashes. It’s what they’ve done to me here in the Underworld. They’ve ruined me and rebuilt me into something new. Someone new.
I’m still uncertain. I’m still afraid.
