Page 98 of Lourdes & the Mafia
I have to pull it out.
My body trembles as my mind hones in on my every breath. On the very sound of my heartbeat.
I dig deep, ripping and tearing through my own mind, my own body. Everything around me becomes distant as my desperate fingers lash out in search for what belongs to me.
For what’s mine and mine alone.
In the distance, I hear my name being called, but I shut it out, willing myself to not get distracted as I fall into the pit of darkness that is my mind.
I tear through the veil of pain and heartbreak, of chaos and simplicities, trying to find something else. Something other. Something buried deep within the fabric of my very self that doesn’t feel like the rest of me.
Or maybe…
Maybe I’m looking at this all wrong.
Maybe the magic isn’t something separate from my being.
Maybe…
Maybe it lives within my very bones and it’s not something I have to dive into.
Maybe it’s something that’s been there all along.
I feel my body humming, electrifying. The veins beneath my skin pump as a surge of energy flows through me.
There,I whisper to myself.There you are.
And within, it’s like the darkness clears, images form, and in front of me I find a mirror, and in the reflection, myself.
Wild. Untamed.
Powerful.
There. My mouth in my reflection moves.There you are.
My curls whip around me in the mirror and my pupils are swallowed by the whites. I hold my hands out at my sides and the darkness fades and flames, demons, and the kings of hell come into view around me.
Then they freefall around me.
The image shatters like glass breaking and I no longer see myself, but darkness. Not the empty kind, but darkness of the night, of a sliver of the moon shining down on a world free of light and sound.
And stepping into that single sliver, Ramiel.
Elegant in his suit, as always, a severe expression taints the beautiful panes of his face.
I watch as he looks around in the silence.
I want to scream, call out to him, but I’m too consumed by the vision to do much but stand there and stare. And this time, he’s not interacting with me.
It’s like he doesn’t see me at all.
“I know you’re there.”
I want to flinch, but it’s not me he’s talking to. He speaks in a voice I’ve never heard from him before. Something infinitely dangerous and deadly.
“I know it’s you.”
My breathing speeds up and I don’t know why, but the feeling that something bad is going to happen envelopes me in a chokehold.
