Page 146 of A Song of Air
“They’d all come to hate me far more than they’d ever had before. But they never hated me more than I hated myself. My mother could no longer stand to look at me, and I was banished to Seelie. She had hoped, prayed I am sure, that the one who murdered my sister would find me and murder me, too.
“But when I arrived at Seelie, he was no longer there. Her blood was no longer there. And I had nothing but my own pathetic sorrow, a pocketful of powder that slowly began to kill me, and wounds that never truly healed.
“So, I wandered through a court I’d always longed for but never truly belonged to. A place I knew of no one but my sister’s murderer. For days I survived on powder alone. It kept me tethered to my anger and my rage. It helped feed it until I was a starving Fae aching for only one thing that could sate me: revenge on the Fae man who had done it.
“Eventually it was those thoughts that weaned me off the drug. It was that anger that pushed me towards the Seelie Court to study and spy and find the perfect opportunity. But then the war with the humans came and the world rendered into chaos. I thought I’d lost my chance. I thought I would no longer bring his head back to my mother as a gift, an apology.
“But then he came to me with his horde. They found me, turned their weapons my way. I stared the Fae in the eyes, and I wondered if he’d recognized me. Years had already passed. So many years. But for me it was like it had happened a day before, hours before, minutes, even. It was so ingrained into my being that it felt too close. But when he looked at me, when my thoughts reached for his, I knew he did not remember me. He did not remember my sister.
“The rage I felt. The way I wanted to reach out and rip his heart from his chest. We’d been just another moment to him. Something unworthy of note. We warranted no remembrance. The death of the most beloved person in my family’s world had been nothing of consequence to him. I knew then that I would not just kill him, I would kill everything he loved and held dear. But I would take no gratification from doing it slowly.
“He did not deserve such an easy death. So, I infiltrated his mind. I gave him a hint of my magic and magic like mine is far too rare. I pledged myself to him. I got down on my knees before my sister’s killer, and I fuckingbowedeven if everything within me revolted at the action. I pretended to revere him. I feigned my loyalty if only to get close to him. To read his thoughts. To learn his court. To find the perfect opportunity to let the world around him fuckingburn. Because killing him was not enough. No. I wanted to completely and utterly destroy his house. His court. His crown.”
Weylyn took a breath and looked up at Bryson then. There were tears. Of sorrow, loss, rage. They made his golden eyes shine that much brighter and made her heart pound that much harder and her feelings for him grow that much larger.
“I have been at his side for years, waiting. Because when I murder him, I want it to be slow. I want to watch his soul bleed out of his body, and I want to laugh the way he laughed when it was the blood of my sister trickling onto the ground. And when I have his head, I will hang it above my mother’s throne so the entire court can see that I, Weylyn Xanth,murderedthe Seelie King.”
Tears had slipped down Bryson’s eyes, but she didn’t wipe them away. The salt was strong against her lips, and when she sucked in a breath, it tasted of the sea.
Weylyn took a breath and his own tears slid down his cheeks. He straightened, expression hardening once again. “So you see, my little mate? You see what a monster I truly am. I caused my sister’s death. I killed her. I have been pretending to be loyal to the monarchy that tore my family apart. I am planning on murdering your king. I am unworthy of you, ofanyone, because of what I have done and what I will do. That is why they despise me. That is why they will take it out onyouevery opportunity.”
Silence pulsed between them and when Bryson finally found the courage to speak, she shook her head and reached for his hands. “I don’t believe that.” He tried to pull away, but she held firm. “You’re not a monster.”
“Were you not listening?” He huffed a frustrated breath.
“I was, and you know what I learned of you?” She pushed on before he could respond. “I learned that you’re a man who dreams of a family who loves him. A man who loved his sister more than anyone in the world, so much that you’d do anything to make her dreams and curiosities come true, even at the expense of your own well-being. I learned that you suffered misplaced hatred from your entire family for years. You have suffered violence and drugs, and yet your love was so strong it became an anger acute to revenge. You know what I learned about you, Weylyn Xanth?” She sobbed. “I learned today that you and I are the same, and if there is one thing that you are, it is worthy. And if there is one thing I know, it is that if Mana gives me the choice, I will choose you, my mate, every single time. And if you choose me, too, then I will be happy to watch the world burn alongside you.”
Tethered to a Mate
“You are not a monster. If anyone is a monster, it is the Seelie King.”
Her hatred for him burned. Someone she’d once wanted to meet. Someone her mother had fought and died for, and he was a terrible being. One who killed innocents for pleasure. One who had made Weylyn’s entire life a nightmare for selfish, cruel reasons.
She understood Weylyn just a bit more now. She knew him. She felt him. Did his trauma forgive the cruel things he’d done since she met him, like invading her thoughts, breaking past her boundaries to take what she said she wouldn’t give? No. It didn’t. He was not good. But he was not a monster, either. He was something in between, a shade of gray in between darkness and light.
It was who he was. And it was something she knew she could not and would not change. She realized that now. Hadn’t he been the one to tell her that darkness lived in them all? For so long she’d been trying to follow a path of light and righteousness. The one her parents would have wanted her to follow.
