Page 189 of Vying Girls
I shake my head, appreciating her attempt at levity. ‘You’ve turned into a tease, Matilda Kingston.’
‘It’s your friends. They bring it out in me.’
‘Mm, now that I can believe.’
We look at each other, chests rising and falling lazily, the sun so hot it’s making it hard to feel vulnerable. A breeze plays with the soft hairs at her temple, her eyes shadowed beneath the bill of her hat, more like forest moss than a sparkling teal lake.
And damn, she’s pretty. Cheeks pink with sun and shiny with sun cream. Her lips look dry, soft, temptingly kissable.
‘Maybe actions speak louder than words,’ I murmur.
A smile spreads across her lips. ‘Maybe.’
Accepting the tacit invitation, I lean up on my elbow, one hand raising to her cheek. Her lips are warm, almost burning. She sighs, melting beneath me. A sure surrender, shooting a lance of hope right through my chest.
I push her hat back, deepening the kiss. It’s never been quite like this before. This slow, hesitant exploration. A refamiliarising. It’s time to learn who adult Tilda is, separate from the child I’d once do anything for.
Not like that has changed. If it came to it, I’d have happily jumped in front of Damien’s bullet for her.
Something tells me that’s not what Tilda would have wanted though. For some reason, she wants me here and whole and with her.
She breaks the kiss on an exhale. ‘It’s so wild getting to do that. I mean’—she shakes her head—‘this whole thing. You and me, being here and everything. Do you still think it’s a coincidence?’
‘No,’ I whisper, surer of that than anything in my life. ‘And I never did.’
‘Didn’t think so,’ she murmurs back, stroking hair off my forehead. ‘Guess our old spells worked.’
‘Guess so. Would sooner cast a new one though.’
Tilda grins, shifting excitedly on the blanket. ‘Deal. We’ll do that.’
Biting her lip, she smiles up at the sky. I eye the curve of her jaw, fighting the urge to put my mouth there. Is that all it takes to rewrite history? A sloughing off of a curse and the making of a new one? Her desire to be eternally bound to me confounds me.
‘I’m almost angry at you.’
Tilda stills. ‘…Me? Why?’
‘Because you’re—’ I roll onto my back with a sigh, dragging a hand through my hair.‘Nice.’
She chuckles uncertainly. ‘Would you rather I’m not?’
‘Kind of. I don’t deservenice.’
Tilda’s silent for a long time, her voice when she next speaks quiet and reflective. ‘It’s not that I’m nice. I just…understand you, I guess. I knew you before you were fucked up and you were good, and I loved you. Suppose, despite everything, that kid was never too far away for me.’ She nods, almost to herself. ‘I always had hope she’d return. And she did.’
I eye her dubiously. ‘So what—no anger at all?’
‘Of course there’s anger, Nic.’ She rolls her eyes. ‘Shit. I’ve got some self-respect.’ She pinches together two fingers.‘Some.You hurt me. A lot. And I didn’t deserve that, even if my brain kept telling me I did.’ She eyes me reprovingly. ‘It was an ugly, ugly thing you accused me of.’
I nod slowly, powerless to refute her.
‘Tilda.’ Rolling over, I rest on top of her. Then I sink down, letting her feel me, the gravity of what I’m about to say. ‘My dad sexually assaulted you. You were a kid, you did nothing wrong. Nothing was your fault.’ Her face cupped in my hands, I shake her a little.‘Nothing.Okay? He betrayed you, your mum betrayed you, and I…betrayed you too. You were an innocent in all of it and I am so fucking sorry.’
Tears flood Tilda’s eyes, her lips trembling.
‘Fuck.’ She draws in a shuddering breath, laughing a little. ‘I think I really, really needed to hear that.’
‘I’ll keep telling you. As long as you keep needing to hear it.’
