Page 29 of The Highlander's Virgin Nun
Rosaline managed to take the few steps needed to get to the log, and although her legs were shaky, she lowered herself onto it. She rested her palms on either side of her and tried to slow her breathing. She felt sick.
Caelan was laying mats and furs on the ground, creating a safe and warm space for them to rest. Only when he turned to retrieve his bag from the ground did he notice her state.
“Me goodness, Rosaline, are ye all right? Tell me what’s happened, now.”
He rushed over to her and knelt beside her. He placed the back of his hand on her forehead to check her temperature, immediately starting to check her over to uncover information before her words could give it to him.
“Were ye hurt? Tell me what’s happened!” His voice grew more demanding in the rush for an explanation.
Rosaline became aware then of her labored breathing and the chill in her body. “I’m nae hurt.”
“Are ye sure? Ye’re as white as chalk.” He continued to check her over, searching for a bleeding wound or a broken bone.
“It’s just…” she trailed off, having to take deep breaths between words. “It’s the water. I hate it.”
“What do ye mean? Are ye cold?”
“Nay. It’s… the nuns. They used to give me ice baths as a punishment. I was so weak already that the pain me body endured would draw everything left out of me. They left me sick. Sometimes they would hold me head under until I almost passed out. Just the sight of water brings it all back, but goin’ through it—” Rosaline broke off, feeling entirely overwhelmed for mentioning it.
Caelan quickly came to sit beside her and put an arm around her shoulders, the other rubbing the arm closest to him to warm her up.
“I’m so sorry, Rosaline. I had nay idea.”
“I used to get sick afterward. Shiverin’ for days and throwin’ up. I’m terrified it’s goin’ to happen again.”
“Nay, lass. Nay. Ye werenae submerged. And even if ye were, the water here isnae so cold. The flow of the river warms it.”
She nodded, understanding the logic of his words. She knew the water had not been as cold or as cruel. She had been fed and taken care of for days now, entirely safe at the castle. Her body was not as depleted as it used to be. She had the energy to endure much more already. But still, she was terrified.
“Would ye let me help ye?” Caelan asked suddenly, looking at her carefully to gauge her reaction.
“What do ye mean?”
“Yer fear, it’s nae of water. It’s of the memory. If ye can make a new one, experience it without the pain, yer fear might go away, or at least get smaller.”
Rosaline considered his words. Again, she could see the logic in them. When she heard the flow of water, she saw the nuns. When she felt it on her skin, she saw the nuns. It was the connection that troubled her so much, and it felt almost like the water would carry her back to them.
But that wasn’t true.
“I would like to try.”
Caelan stood up and held out his hand. “I will keep ye safe.”
Rosaline placed her hand in his and rose, allowing him to lead her slowly back towards the river. As the noise of the river grew, she closed her eyes and breathed deeper, trying to quell the panic rapidly rising within her.
I have to overcome this. I willnae let them rule me any longer.
When they reached the water’s edge, Caelan lifted the fur from around her shoulders and placed it on the ground. He laid out another that he had carried with them, in preparation for their return from the river. He held both of her hands and walked backward, slowly pulling her closer to the water’s edge.
“Ready?” he asked.
Rosaline saw his confidence in his eyes and posture. She could not manage words, but she nodded in affirmation.
Caelan stepped closer to her and then moved behind her. He slid one arm beneath the back of her knees and one beneath her back, and scooped her up. She felt the strength of his arms supporting her, and she allowed her head to rest against his chest.
Then, he walked them into the water.
“Just breathe,” he whispered.
