Page 34 of The Icy Highlander's Virgin
"I want his touch," she whispered, the words escaping before she could stop them. "When he kissed me, I wanted more. But I cannae..." She pressed her hand to her chest, feeling her heart race with remembered panic. "I cannae get the fear out of me head. Every time I think about trustin' him, I see Leo's face. I cannae get past what Leo did to me, and what he almost did to Alexandra."
Ada's expression softened, and she gently took Erica's arm, guiding her to continue walking.
"Oh, child," Ada said quietly. "That fear ye carry—it's understandable after what Leo put ye through. But ye cannae let it rule yer entire life."
"It's nae rulin' me life," Erica said defensively. "I'm being practical. I'm safer keepin' me distance."
"Are ye? Or are ye just miserable?"
Erica didn't answer, focusing instead on the tapestry they were passing—a hunting scene with hounds chasing a stag through a forest.
"Ye said ye want his touch," Ada pressed gently. "That's nae nothin', lass."
"Wantin' somethin' and bein' able to have it are two different things." Erica's voice was flat. "I'm better off on me own. At least then I ken what to expect."
"And what about when he wants an heir? Ye cannae avoid that conversation forever."
Erica's step faltered slightly. "A man and a woman can create an heir without... without emotional feelings. It's done all the time in political marriages."
"And how will ye manage that if ye cannae even let him touch ye now?"
The question hung in the air like a challenge. Erica's hands clenched into fists at her sides as she remembered the way her body had betrayed her during their kiss—the way she'd wanted more even as her mind screamed warnings.
"I..." She swallowed hard. "I hope he gives me enough time to get used to bein' Lady Kinnaird first. To adjust to... to me duties."
But even as she said it, a shiver ran through her at the thought. How long would his patience last? How long before he demanded his husbandly rights regardless of her fears?
"Time might help," Ada said carefully, "but only if ye use it to heal, nae to build higher walls."
"The walls keep me safe."
"Do they? Or do they just keep ye alone?"
"Ye ken what I noticed? Nay one in this castle sports a bruise from the laird or flinches from his presence."
"That doesnae mean anythin'."
"Doesnae it?"
"Leo never hurt the servants when others were watchin' either," Erica said quietly. "He saved his cruelty for private moments."
Ada sighed deeply. "So ye're determined to see danger where there might be none?"
"I'm determined to survive."
"That's nae livin', child. And as someone who kens what happened, ye need to stop survivin' and live."
Before Erica could respond, the distant sound of steel clashing against steel echoed through the corridors, drawing both their attention.
"What's that sound?" Erica asked, grateful for the distraction.
"Trainin' grounds, I'd wager," Ada replied, then gave her a knowing look. "Shall we see what has ye so curious?"
"Where exactly have we wandered to?" Erica asked as the sounds of clashing steel grew louder.
The clash of swords was unmistakable now, accompanied by the occasional shout of instruction or grunt of exertion. Through the archway, Erica could see glimpses of movement—men in various states of dress, wielding practice weapons.
"We should go back," Erica said quickly, already turning away.
