Page 42 of To Wed a Laird
And yet, was the fault not partly his? She had not encouraged him or forced him; she had not given him any signals that a relationship with him was what she wanted.
Of course, men were not the same as women. Their needs were different; they had urges that women simply did not possess. Perhaps he was only obeying those urges, and she was the first woman he had seen whom he desired. Yet, she could not see him as some animal-like creature with no feelings, only impulses. He was too warm, too generous, too protective.
No, Cormac was still grieving, and Rose was certain of it. She straightened her clothing as she stood up.
“Rose, please let me explain,” he began desperately. “I never meant for this to happen—truly. You must believe me. I have treated you very badly, I know?—”
Rose raised her hand to stop him speaking. “You are still grieving, I know that. I should never have let myself be seduced. I was weak, and now I am paying the price. I am sorry, Cormac.”
“Rose… don’t go. Let me tell you how—” he begged, then broke off and tried to grab her arm as Rose reached the door, but she pushed him away and left, then ran down the corridor, intending to go to her bedchamber.
She was looking at the floor, not wanting to raise her head in case anyone saw the tears in her eyes. She was just about to turn a corner when she collided with a warm, solid body, and looked up into Nell’s blue-grey eyes.
Nell took one look at Rose, then wrapped an arm around her shoulders and led her away in silence. However, it was awarm silence, and Rose felt enormous solace in the old lady’s company, even if nothing was said between them.
Presently, they arrived at Nell’s rooms, and she sat Rose down in a cosy chair by the fire, then brought her a cup of warm spiced ale.
“Now, tell me all about it, hen,” she said, her voice warm with sympathy.
Rose looked up at her, and felt warm, complete trust in someone for the first time since her mother died. Here was someone to whom she could pour out her heart and know that it would be in safe hands. Here was someone who could step into the shoes of the mother she had lost.
“I can never replace her, Nell,” she said sadly. “I don’t want to, and it would be cruel of me to try.”
“Who? Catherine? Cormac’s wife?” Nell asked. “I dinnae think he would ask that o’ ye, hen.”
Rose nodded. “I was beginning to think he felt something for me, but I was wrong—stupid. It would be cruel to him and to Elspeth to even try. And now look at me, a poor pathetic creature trapped in an impossible situation. I will have to leave, Nell. I love him too much to stay.”
“An’ where will ye go, hen?” Nell asked. “From what ye tell me about your father, he willnae welcome ye back.”
Rose sighed. “I will think of something.” She sipped her ale, realising that Nell had none. “Did you give me your drink?” Rose asked.
“I can make another one,” Nell replied, smiling. “There is nae art tae it, hen.”
“You are so good to me, Nell,” Rose told her. “I am so lucky to have met you.”
“I am the lucky one, hen,” Nell told her. “Because I never met the right man an’ never got married, but I always wanted a daughter, an’ you are the daughter I never had.”
“I would be very happy for you to be my mother,” Rose answered.
She meant every word because Nell had shown her nothing but warmth and kindness since the day she arrived. She wrapped her arms around the old lady and hugged her tightly.
The little time Rose had spent with Nell had temporarily taken her mind from her problems, but now they came rushing back with a vengeance.
“What am I going to do, Nell?” she asked. “I truly feel unable to stay here and look Cormac in the eye.”
Nell thought for a moment. “Take some time,” she replied. “Even if it is just a day. Clear your head.”
“What about Elspeth?” Rose asked.
“I can take care o’ Elspeth,” Nell answered firmly.
“What shall I do?” Rose asked. “I cannot stay in the castle or Elspeth will find me.”
“Go intae the village,” Nell suggested. “Or sit by the wee burn for a while.”
Rose nodded and stood up. “I truly don’t know what I would do without you.”
“Ye would manage just fine,” Nell replied, laughing. “Now go an’ get some sleep, an’ leave everythin’ tae me.”
